


Perfect

by psychshuleslover2000



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Clexa, College AU, Drunk Clarke, Drunk confessions, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Some angst, Starts out with Lexa/Costia, clexa is great, costia is okay...until she's not, dumb drunk clarke, ends with clexa, jealous!Clarke, lexa is always amazing, mostly Clarke/Octavia/Raven angst tho, obviously
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-17
Updated: 2018-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-09 03:41:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 28,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8874379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psychshuleslover2000/pseuds/psychshuleslover2000
Summary: Clarke, Octavia and Raven all go to college together. Raven and Octavia get a dorm together, but Clarke gets randomly paired with a girl named Lexa Woods. Watch all of the girls make mistakes, flounder and even fight for a while before they finally figure things out. Everyone is a hot mess but they love each other so they'll figure things out probably





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, I have some of this already written out, so hopefully I will be posting twice a month! Maybe more, we'll see! Hope you enjoy! Shoutout to my beta @hanoverthepizza on tumblr!

The envelope had come in the mail. Either she got in or she didn’t, there was no point in worrying. She looked at the envelope and took a deep breath before ripping the seal. Her eyes scanned the letter, searching for the words that would determine the next four years of her life. 

“Come on, what does it say?” Octavia asked. 

“Chill, O, she’s reading it,” Raven answered for Clarke. 

Raven and Octavia had already gotten their acceptance letters earlier in the week; Clarke was the last to get her letter. 

She looked up at Octavia and Raven, careful not to let her face give anything away. 

“Well what does it say?” Raven prompted this time, as Octavia rolled her eyes at her. 

“I got in!” Clarke answered, handing the letter over to Raven who scanned through it before handing it to Octavia.

“That’s great Clarke!” Octavia said.

“Wait-wait, now we have to figure out who’s rooming with who,” Raven said. 

“Rock paper scissors?” Octavia prompted.

“Really? That’s how we’re gonna decide?” asked Clarke. 

Raven shrugged, “Sounds good to me. Me and you first O.” Octavia handed the letter back to Clarke, and put one hand in a fist, both her and Raven tensing up competitively. 

“Rock, paper, scissors, shoot,” both girls said simultaneously. Raven was scissors, Octavia paper. 

“You and me now Griffin!” said Octavia. 

“Oh it’s on Blake,” Clarke said with just as much enthusiasm as Octavia. 

“Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!”

“Yes! I win!” Octavia says, winning with rock over scissors. 

“Oh you guys suck! If I get a crazy roommate, it’s both of your faults,” Clarke joked. 

“It’ll be fine Clarke, this is gonna be great!” Octavia said. Raven nodded in agreement. 

\--------

Lexa got to her dorm room pretty early that morning. Her sister, Anya, had helped her pack and now unpack. She didn’t bring all that much stuff, but with just the two of them, it seemed like a lot more than what was actually there. 

“Jesus Christ, Lexa! What’s in this box?” Anya asked after picking a box up out of her trunk. 

“It’s labeled. Books and photos,” Lexa said with a shrug. 

“How many books did you need to bring?” Anya asked as Lexa grabbed another box. 

“It’s not that many,” Lexa defended herself, “I only brought my favorite shelf of books.”

Anya looked incredulously at her. “Where the hell do you think you’re gonna put them all?” 

“On the shelves above the desk or I’ll just shove them in my closet,” Lexa said. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Well yeah, you’re not the one carrying the box,” Anya said, and Lexa smiled at her. 

When all the boxes were out of the car, Anya turned to Lexa. “Alright kid, I’ve got to go. Call me if you need anything. Don’t get into too much trouble,” she smirked, “Maybe find yourself a nice girl.”

“Shut up Anya,” Lexa said, but she was smiling. “Thanks for all the help, sis. I’ll see you in a couple of weeks?”

Anya nodded, “Oh come one, give me a hug,” she said and Lexa stepped towards her, hugging her sister tighter than usual. Anya noticed. 

“Hey, chill. You’re gonna be no more than twenty minutes away,” she said. 

Lexa nodded, “I know.” And she did. She was just going to miss Anya. Anya had always been a constant force in her life, even when everything else was a mess. 

When her sister was gone, Lexa set to unpacking all her boxes. Her roommate wasn’t here yet so she called dibs on the bed to the left of the room and made her bed, mostly because she was too lazy to climb up to the top. 

Around eleven thirty, Lexa had everything unpacked and decided to look around the campus and find some lunch somewhere in the hopes that by the time she got back to her room, her roommate would be unpacked. She really didn’t want to get dragged into carrying a bunch of someone else's boxes up all those stairs again. Lexa walked around campus, schedule in one hand, finding out where all her classes would be. By the time she had found them all, it was nearly six o’clock and she had never even gotten lunch. She found a cafe nearby, she was on the east side of the campus, and got some food to go, before making her way back to her dorm. She wondered if her roommate was settled in. And more than that, she wondered if her roommate was someone she could actually get along with. She hoped so. 

\------

For Clarke, Octavia and Raven, the first day of college involved a lot of unpacking, a seemingly monumental task for just the three of them. Clarke had spent the whole morning complaining about how she was the one who didn’t know her roommate, and the other two spent it ignoring her.

“I really think we should have had a better way of picking,” Clarke said. 

“Jesus, Clarke you agreed to rock paper scissors,” Raven said, “the paperwork is already done.” Clarke pouted, but didn’t reply. 

They each took separate cars to bring up their stuff, one of them being Clarke's car, borrowing one from Octavia’s mom, and the other from Bellamy. The University of DC wasn’t very far from where they all lived so it wasn’t a hard trip. The girls unpacked Raven and Octavia’s stuff first, then Clarke’s after lunch so they all could help. 

The three girls walked into Clarke’s dorm room, each carrying boxes. The bed to the left was already made and one of the two desks, dressers, and closets were already claimed. 

“Huh, looks like your roomie got an early start,” Octavia said. 

“It’s like 4 o’clock, O. We spent the whole morning in your guys’ room,” Clarke said with an eye roll. 

Octavia just shrugged and put the box she was holding down on the nearest surface available, in this case being Clarke's unmade bed. 

A few more trips to the car later, all of Clarke's things were out of her car, waiting to be unpacked. 

“Do you guys want to go out for dinner?” Clarke asked the other two girls. 

“We should probably unpack, Clarke,” Raven said, shifting the last box of stuff she had brought up so it wouldn’t fall off of Clarke’s desk. 

Octavia nodded, “And I have to get the cars back to my mom and Bell,” Octavia added, giving a sympathetic look to Clarke. 

Clarke sighed dramatically, pretty much expecting that they would want to go unpack-she needed to unpack too, but she was still disappointed nonetheless. 

“Fine, but text me when you guys wake up so we can go get breakfast and explore,” Clarke said. 

The other two girls assured Clarke that they would and said their goodbyes, leaving Clarke alone in her dorm room with way too many boxes to unpack. 

“Might as well get started,” she murmured to herself, searching for the box that had her bedspread. Clarke found her key chain, which was lying on her desk, and used her key to cut the tape on the box closest to her. She hadn’t bothered to label the boxes, something she was regretting now, so it took cutting through three boxes to find the right one. 

When she finally found her bedspread, she made her bed, found the boxes that contained her clothes (which involved cutting through all of the boxes) and then proceeded to dump all her clothes onto her bed. Grabbing her phone and putting on her playlist she made the night before, Clarke started folding her clothes to put in her dresser. No more than twenty minutes later, the door opened without warning and Clarke jumped as another girl walked into the room. Clarke turned her music off. 

“Oh, hey, sorry about that,” the girl said to Clarke, realizing she had startled her. “You’re my roommate?” she asked, not unkindly, her voice quiet. The girl had wavy brown hair and striking green eyes. She was pretty, Clarke wouldn’t deny it, and it took her a second to regain her bearings. 

“Oh, yeah I’m Clarke. Clarke Griffin,” she said, offering a bright smile to the girl. 

“Lexa Woods,” Lexa told her, putting down the container of food she was carrying onto her bedside table opposite of Clarke’s mess of boxes. 

“So what major are you?” Clarke asked, continuing to fold her clothes as Lexa put her keys and wallet away before grabbing her food and sitting down, criss-cross-applesauce.

“Law, you?”

“Biology major, art minor.”

“Art minor? That’s pretty cool, especially with a bio major,” Lexa looked impressed. 

“Yeah, I almost did a double major but I figured I’d probably be better off choosing,” Clarke told her. 

Lexa nodded and the two fell into a comfortable silence as Lexa ate and Clarke continued unpacking. It was taking longer than she expected, and when all the boxes were finally unpacked, Clarke threw herself on her bed. “I could fall asleep right now,” she mumbled into her pillow. “And your food smelled amazing, where’d you get it?” Clarke looked up at Lexa. It was almost 7:30 by now and she was starving. 

“The diner right on the edge of the east side of campus,” Lexa told her. “My sister went here, she told me about it.” 

“Thanks,” Clarke answered. She folded up all the boxes and grabbed her keys, bringing the boxes with her to get rid of. 

Clarke left, and after getting rid of the boxes, she began to wander around campus, slowly making her way to the east edge where Lexa had told her the diner would be. In terms of roommates, while she was still a little annoyed that she wasn’t with Octavia or Raven, she figured Lexa didn’t seem that bad. Though Clarke did notice she had put at least six candles in the dorm room, which she was pretty sure wasn’t allowed. She didn’t really care of course, she just vaguely hoped Lexa didn’t burn the damn place down.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, Clarke met Raven and Octavia for breakfast in the cafeteria. It was Sunday, and they had decided to explore the campus before their classes started the next day. 

“So how's your roommate?” Raven asked Clarke as they walked around campus, each carrying their schedules. 

“Total nutjob?” Octavia asked with a smirk. 

Clarke rolled her eyes, “No, she's okay actually. I'm still annoyed I lost rock, paper, scissors, but she's okay. She's pretty.”

Raven raised her eyebrows and Octavia smirked, “She’s pretty?” Raven questioned. 

“Hey, not like that, I just met her,” Clarke said defensively, rolling her eyes. 

“Who cares if you just met her?” Octavia joked. 

Clarke rolled her eyes, “Guys stop, she’s my roommate. I have to live with her all year.”

Raven and Octavia smirked and looked somewhat disbelievingly at Clarke. “I’m not seeing the downside to that, but fine, she’s just your roommate.” 

The rest of the day passed with no more talk of Clarke’s roommate until dinner time. It turned out all three girls had statistics together, a basic necessity for all of their majors. 

Around six o’clock, they were all back in Raven and Octavia’s dorm room. “What do you guys want to do for dinner?” Raven asked. 

Octavia shrugged, “We could always go to the cafeteria?”

Raven wrinkled her nose. “Nah. what do you think Clarke?”

“We could go to this diner my roommate told me about? It’s really good, I went there last night. It does takeout,” Clarke suggested. 

Raven shrugged, “Worth a shot.”

“How did your roommate know about the diner?” Octavia asked after Clarke pulled it up on her phone. “It’s all the way on the other side of campus.”

“Lexa’s sister went here for college,” Clarke said. “Plus the diner does the college dining plan.”  
The girls agreed on the diner and took the 12 minute walk there, deciding against takeout and actually sitting down. They were placed at a table near the window and ordered their food. They spent the evening enjoying their last day together before classes started and they weren’t able to do things like this as often as they had been. 

“So, have you talked to Finn yet since he’s moved in?” Octavia asked Raven. 

Raven smiled at the mention of her boyfriend of two and a half years, “No. He texted me though. I’m gonna go see him tomorrow after my classes.”

“Did he say anything about who he got roomed with?” Clarke asked, knowing Finn had been just as worried about that as she herself had been. 

Raven sighed, “Yeah. He said his roommate’s name is Murphy and is a complete ass, but apparently some older guy named Lincoln put him in his place after he was messing with some girls.” Raven shrugged, and the other two girls winced. They all liked Finn; he and Raven had made doe eyes at each other all throughout freshman year of high school until they had finally gotten together. 

“That sucks,” Octavia said. The other two girls nodded in agreement. 

“Hey, maybe you’ll get a boyfriend this year?” Raven said to Octavia, raising her eyebrows and smirking as did Clarke. 

“Maybe,” Octavia laughed, brushing the comment off. 

The night continued on with them joking with each other until they were finally forced to head back to their dorms. They all ended up agreeing with Clarke that the food was great. 

\------

When Lexa woke up the next morning, it was no longer morning and Clarke had long since left the room. Since she had already spent some of the day before finding all her classes, Lexa had the day to herself. She thought of calling Costia, but she was fairly sure from the texts she had gotten the night before that her girlfriend was still very hungover. Instead, Lexa decided to pull out the stack of books she had bought a few months ago and finally start one. 

She looked around the dorm room-her roommate's stuff was still a little haphazardly unpacked and besides, Lexa had no idea when she would be back. She decided on going to the Panera a few minutes away and reading her book there for a while. Plus, the pumpkin coffees were in season early and she couldn’t resist.  
She grabbed her wallet and the first book from the pile, hoping she would be able to finish it, fully knowing she wasn’t going to have time once classes started. 

It turned out Panera was over packed, and Lexa only stayed for about a half an hour before she retreated back to her dorm room, deciding she would be more comfortable. She managed to get through her whole first book by lunch time, which wasn’t really a monumental task considering how fast she reads. Lunch was one of the protein bars she had shoved under her bed and a bottle of tea. After getting about halfway through her second book, Lexa decided she should probably get up and do something productive for at least a little while. She triple checked her schedule, made sure she had all of her books packed up and decided on her outfit tomorrow. 

All the while, she was glancing at her phone every five minutes to see if she had a text or a missed call from her girlfriend. All day there was nothing, and Lexa just hoped Costia was okay. She eventually lit a candle and settled back down to read her book, vaguely wondering when her roommate would be back. 

\------

When Clarke got back to her dorm room, the first thing she noticed was that it smelled like cinnamon. She looked over to Lexa’s side where she had a Pumpkin-Cinnamon candle burning and Clarke couldn't help smile. 

“Hey,” Clarke said to alert Lexa, who was reading a book with music playing in the background, that she was there. 

“Oh, hey Clarke,” Lexa said, moving to turn the music off, but Clarke stopped her. 

“No it’s fine, you can leave that on if you want,” Clarke said. Lexa nodded and smiled before turning back to her book. 

Clarke sat down on her bed before getting up again to get her notebook and a pencil from her desk. It was one of the few things she actually knew where she put when unpacking. She sat back down and started sketching their dorm room and random objects around the room. She and Lexa stayed in comfortable silence, until a song came on that had Clarke curiously looking up at Lexa. 

Lexa obviously wasn’t really listening to to the music, but she looked up at Clarke when she felt Clark’s eyes on her. 

“What?” Lexa asked curiously. 

“Oh, uh nothing,” Clarke said smirking, “just this song.”

“Wha-oh,” Lexa said, blushing once she finally realized what was playing. “I-I bought it when Justin Bieber first came out, I just haven’t deleted it.” Her face was bright red as she reached for her phone to change the song, but by that time it had switched on its own. 

Clarke couldn’t help the smile that came across her face at Lexa’s blush. It was adorable. “I bought it when it came out too, but it’s been years since I’ve listened to it.”

Lexa smirked, the blush fading a bit. 

“So, what did you do all day?” Clarke asked her. 

“Drank coffee and read,” Lexa said, holding up the book in question. “You?” And she found she really was curious what her roommate had done all day. 

“Found out where all my classes are. I took my friends, Octavia and Raven, to the diner you told me about for dinner,” Clarke told her. 

“What’d they think?” Lexa asked. 

“They loved it just as much as I did,” Clarke said with a smile. 

Lexa smiled and nodded, “So what classes do you have?”

Clarke pulled out her schedule and read out her classes, as did Lexa. It turned out they shared psychology class together. 

“So,” Lexa said after a while, “I got these blue string lights for the dorm if you don’t mind me putting them up?” 

“Sure,” replied Clarke, “as long as you don’t mind the days the room smells like paint.”

Lexa laughed, “Of course.”

The girls spent the rest of the evening listening to Clarke’s college playlist and setting up Lexa’s lights around the room. It turned out they had a fairly similar taste in music, both agreeing about Imagine Dragons, though Lexa wasn’t a Fall Out Boy fan, and Clarke didn’t like Lexa’s All Time Low music. 

It was almost midnight when they both finally fell asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aight, so I had an updating schedule, but I got grounded and hadn't finished the chapter I was working on and then midterms...but here you go! Please enjoy, comment ect.! And trust me, it will get longer and heavier, I wrote these chapters months ago

The first week of college came and went, and unsurprisingly, all of the girls thought they had this whole college thing under control. Even more unsurprisingly, they were completely wrong. The rest of the month was grueling, and getting adjusted to college life left no time for the usual things like Netflix or parties. Even if they did both anyway. 

The only class Clarke and Lexa had together was psychology, which both girls did fairly well, though Clarke slid by a little easier as she took AP psych in high school. Lexa, on the other hand, was completely new to the subject but she had an A all the same, just as Clarke did. 

Sometime in the third week of school, Clarke and Lexa were walking back from class together. Psych was their last class of the day, and they were both grateful to be done for the week. (They had both been smart enough not to schedule Friday classes, unlike both Raven and Octavia.) 

Clarke’s day had already been shitty. She failed a Biology quiz, and was picked on for not paying attention in Psych by the teacher. 

“That's what happens in a small classroom I guess,” Clarke said, annoyed. 

Lexa frowned, “Even if you weren't paying attention-”

“I wasn't-”

“He still shouldn't have picked on you,” Lexa finished, as they reached the dorm room. 

Clarke unlocked the door and threw herself down on the bed closest to her, which just so happened to be Lexa’s bed. Lexa smirked. Clarke hadn't been trying to not pay attention, but all her attention was focused on the Biology grade and figuring out what she'd have to get for the rest of the year to get an A. Which was all A’s. She sighed and turned to Lexa, who was taking her books out of her bag and putting them in their proper place on her bookshelf. 

“That wasn't even the worst of my day-” Clarke started, but she was interrupted by a knock at the door. Both girls looked confused and Clarke got up to open the door. 

“Hello?” Clarke asked, opening the door a crack. 

“Hi, is Lexa Woods here?” the girl at the door asked. The girl was pretty, she could have been a supermodel with her high cheek bones and curly brown hair. 

Clarke opened the door enough so Lexa could see the girl in their doorway. “Yes, and you are?” 

“Costia!” Lexa said, a smile appearing on her face, welcoming the girl into the room. Clarke's frown deepened. 

“Clarke, this is my girlfriend-Costia. Costia, this is my friend and roommate-Clarke,” Lexa introduced the two girls. 

“Hi,” Costia said cheerfully to Clarke. 

“Hi,” Clarke replied with significantly less enthusiasm. Clarke turned to Lexa, “I didn't know you had a girlfriend,” she said, plastering a fake smile to her face, turning from the two and shoving her laptop and wallet into her backpack. 

Lexa started to respond, but Clarke cut her off, “I'm going up to Octavia and and Raven’s. I'm assuming dinner is off, just text me otherwise,” Clarke left the room without another word. 

Clarke walked up the stairs to Octavia and Raven’s room, unsure why she was even upset. Why would she care if Lexa told her about her girlfriend or not?

\------

Lexa flinched when the door shut behind Clarke. 

“Well she seems pleasant,” Costia said, breaking the silence. 

“She's usually not like that,” Lexa said, frowning. “She hasn't had a great day but I don't know why she would-”

“Hey, don't think about it too much Lexie. I'm sure it's fine,” Costia said, pulling Lexa down to sit on the bed with her. 

Lexa smiled, leaning against Costia, “So what've you been doing?” Lexa asked. “I haven't seen you for weeks.”

“It hasn't been that long…”

“I haven't seen you a single time now that we're in the same city-same college campus,” Lexa murmured. She wasn't upset, not exactly, but she certainly wasn't happy about it either. 

“I know, I know. And I'm sorry,”Costia said, moving to kiss Lexa on the cheek. 

“Do you want to go out tonight?” Lexa asked. “Dinner and a movie maybe? Or-”

“I can't tonight Lexie, I already told some friends of mine that I'd go out with them tonight,” Costia said. Lexa sat up. 

“But we haven't done anything in-”

“I know, but not tonight okay? I just wanted to drop in and see how you were doing with your first year so far,” Costia said. 

“Costia-”

“Hey, we'll do something this weekend,” Costia said. 

Lexa sighed as Costia got up from the bed and made her way to the door. “Be safe. Don't get too drunk,” Lexa said, not even trying to hide her disappointment or her disapproval. 

“Bye Lexie,” Costia smiled. 

Lexa didn't answer, and once Costia closed the door she laid back down on her bed and ran a hand through her hair. 

She wondered if it was too late to call Clarke and get dinner with her. 

\--------

Clarke realized only when she got there that she didn't even know if Raven or Octavia would be in their room. When she knocked, however, Octavia answered. 

“Hey Clarke, what's up?” Octavia asked, opening the door and letting Clarke in. 

Clarke sighed, sitting on Raven’s bed. “Lexa had her girlfriend over,” Clarke said. 

“Lexa has a girlfriend?” Octavia asked. “You didn't mention that.”

“That would be because I didn't know until she came knocking on our door, surprising Lexa,” Clarke muttered, pulling out her Biology quiz from that day and her textbook. 

Octavia looked curiously at Clarke, wondering why Lexa's girlfriend bothered her so much, but she didn't say anything until Clarke held up the Bio test for her to see. 

“Well that explains it,” Octavia said, smirking at the red “F” on Clarke's paper. 

“Explains what?” Clarke asked. 

“Why I can feel your bad mood from all the way across the room,” Octavia answered. 

Clarke opened her mouth to argue, but stopped herself and sighed, “It's been a shitty day O.” 

Octavia nodded sympathetically. They sat in silence for a few minutes, Clarke trying to figure out what the hell she did wrong on her Biology test and Octavia reading for one of her classes. 

“You have got to be kidding me!” Clarke said loudly after a little while. 

Octavia looked up at her, “What?”

“I read the fucking question wrong and then screwed everything else up,” Clarke said, not sure whether to laugh or cry. Octavia made the decision for her when she burst out laughing. 

“I wondered how Clarke Griffin failed a Biology quiz. Come on Griffin, you have all semester to fix it. Let's go grab some dinner,” Octavia said. 

Clarke and Octavia both grabbed their wallet and keys and were halfway out the door when Clarke's phone rang. 

“Hold on a sec O, it's Lexa,” Clarke said, answering her phone. 

“Hello?”

“Hey Clarke, it's Lexa.”

“You alright?”

“Yeah, it's just… Costia kinda bailed on me… I should've realized she was going out… Would it be okay if we still got dinner tonight?”

There was silence on the line for a moment while Clarke considered it, before asking Octavia who readily agreed. 

“As long as you don't mind Octavia coming too, we were just about to head out.”

Clarke could hear Lexa's sigh of relief, “Okay, cool.Thanks Clarke.”

Clarke couldn't help a smile, “We'll come by the room on our way down.”

“Okay, see you then.”

“Well, I'm finally going to properly meet your roommate,” Octavia said. 

“You've met her before,” Clarke said. 

“Yeah, for like two seconds one day when me and Raven were picking you up for class. This will be fun,” Octavia answered. 

They were down at Clarke's room in a matter of minutes, and Lexa was sitting outside of the door waiting for them. 

“Clarke!” Lexa smiled, looking relieved. 

“Lexa, this is my friend Octavia. Octavia, my friend and roommate Lexa,” Clarke introduced the two girls, who then exchanged pleasantries. 

“Where are we going for dinner?” Lexa asked once they were outside the building. 

“Well originally we were going to Wawa, but I figure we could go eat at Friendly’s?” Clarke asked the other two girls, who agreed. 

“So, Lexa. What's your major?” Octavia asked once they were seated. 

“Law. What about you?” Lexa asked Octavia. 

“Me too actually,” Octavia replied, surprised, “You didn’t mention we shared the same major, Clarke.” Octavia looked at her.

Clarke shrugged, “Well now you know. Anyway it’s not like-” but her voice trailed off when she realized Octavia was no longer looking at her, but behind her. Clarke turned to look behind her, seeing a pack of boys probably a year or so older than they were. 

“So which one is it O?” Clarke asked, smirking.

“Wh-What?” Octavia asked. 

“Which boy are you staring at?” Clarke asked, and Lexa smirked.

Octavia rolled her eyes, “Lincoln. The one in the middle over there.”

“The one Raven was talking about a few weeks ago?” Clarke asked. 

Octavia shrugged, “I don’t know but he’s hot.”

“He’s a Junior,” Lexa informed the other two, “He’s in my Political Science class.”

“Ooh, Octavia likes a Junior,”Clarke teased her, acting no better than a middle-schooler. 

Lexa laughed and Octavia rolled her eyes. “Well what about you?” she asked Lexa, turning the conversation away from herself. “Who is this girlfriend we heard about today?”

Lexa’s eyes widened in surprise at the mention of her girlfriend. “Oh, her name’s Costia. She’s a year above us-a sophomore. We started dating in high school,” Lexa said, a smile unwillingly making its way across her face. 

“Well she ditched you today,” Clarke said, taking a sip of her water.

Lexa couldn’t tell if her voice held concern or sarcasm, though she wondered if it was a mix of both. 

“Uh, well yeah. She was going out with friends tonight...” Lexa answered, disheartened a little bit. 

“And she didn’t invite you along?” Clarke sounded surprised, and this time definitely concerned. Lexa shook her head. Clarke looked like she was about to say something else, but Octavia cut in.

“So, Octavia said, “why haven’t we heard of this girl before today?” 

Lexa shrugged, “College is busy.” She was saved from any further questions by the arrival of their food. 

The conversation died down for a few minutes once their food arrived, but it soon picked up again. This time with no mentions of boyfriends, girlfriends, or crushes. 

Lexa found she was actually really enjoying herself with Clarke and Octavia. Not that she didn’t think she would, but she hadn’t expected Octavia to be as friendly and inclusive as she was. Lexa had always imagined all of Clarke’s friends to have loud personalities that matched Clarke’s bright one. 

When Clarke and Lexa got back to their dorm that night, Clarke turned towards Lexa as they were sitting on their respective beds.

“I’m really sorry Costia bailed on you Lex, you deserve better than that.”

Clarke didn’t know what her initial problem with Costia was-she didn’t understand why she got so upset. But now she really didn’t like the girl. She didn’t like that from what Lexa told them, today was the first time Lexa had seen her in a while and Costia didn’t even bother to invite Lexa out with her tonight. She didn’t like that Costia made Lexa obviously upset today. Lexa didn’t deserve that. Lexa always had her life together, was the perfect student, and was incredibly kind. Lexa didn’t deserve someone who didn’t treat her like she was special. 

Lexa looked over at Clarke, surprised at the quietness in her voice, “Thanks Clarke.”

“I’m glad you got to properly meet Octavia tonight though, despite it,” Clarke said with a smile. 

“Yeah, me too,” Lexa answered. 

Lexa was amazed by the friendship Clarke held with Octavia, and what she heard about Raven… The closest Lexa had ever been to anybody was her sister Anya, and Costia. Clarke, Octavia and Raven seemed to have a perfect friendship, and Lexa couldn’t help but be a little jealous of that.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aight, so it's getting better. As soon as I write chapter nine, chapter five will be up! Please read/Review/Kudos etc. Thanks!

It was now late October, and for Clarke, school hadn’t gotten much easier than it had been the previous month. It involved a lot of studying, most of which she did in Octavia and Raven’s room or in the library, and a lot of work to pull that Biology grade up-and she still had a C-. The only class she had found easy was Psych, which it seemed she was able to slide by in with minimal effort. While Clarke had put so much effort into that Biology grade, her other grades had begun to slip, almost to the level that her Biology grade was currently at. 

Lexa, on the other hand, still seemed to be a perfect student. She always had assignments done on time and always seemed to have her nose in a book. 

On this particular day, however, Clarke was alone in their dorm room waiting for Lexa to get back from class. They had decided tonight would be a movie night; something they decided on after an exceptionally stressful day for the both of them.  The affair consisted of pizza and a Netflix marathon which they watched while sitting on Lexa’s bed in her little nest of blankets and pillows. 

Right now, however, Clarke still had two hours to burn before Lexa came back from class. She knew the logical thing to do would be to study, but she couldn’t summon the effort to actually do it. She hadn’t painted in so long, really since college had started. She bit her lip and after a long moment, Clarke found herself pulling out a small canvas and the art supplies she had stowed away under her bed. She turned on her music and started painting. She wasn’t sure what, at first, but from the corner of her eye she caught sight of the sun going down outside her window. For a moment, she was remembering all the times by the beach when she and her parents, her and her dad, would go to watch the sunset. But that was long gone. Her dad was gone. She sadly shook the memory away, painting the scene she could still remember so clearly. She didn’t hear the door open hours later, and only noticed Lexa when she spoke. 

“Wow, Clarke,” Lexa breathed, looking at the painting. 

Clarke jumped, “Jesus christ, Lex! I didn’t hear you come in.” Clarke moved to turn her music off. 

“Sorry. That’s really good,” Lexa pointed at the painting. 

“Oh, thanks. It’s not done yet,” Clarke replied. She looked wistfully at the painting one more time before Lexa spoke. 

“Well, ready for our night of unhealthy food and procrastination?” Lexa joked. 

Clarke laughed, “More than ready. I’ve been excited about this all day.”

Lexa smiled, “I’m going to go get changed, you order the pizza?” 

Clarke nodded. She began cleaning up the art supplies she had strewn across her bed before calling and ordering the pizza. Pepperoni; it was both hers and Lexa’s favorite. 

Half an hour later, the pizza had arrived and both girls were sitting in Lexa’s nest of blankets on her bed, scrolling through movies to watch. 

“Ooh, Zac Efron,” Clarke said after a minute of scrolling. 

“Charlie St.Cloud. You've heard of it?” Lexa asked, reading the title. 

“Nope. It looks sad. Wanna watch it?” Clarke asked. 

“Sure,” Lexa answered. The girls settled down to watch the movie, both girls wrapped in their fair share of blankets. 

It didn't take very long for the movie to get devastatingly sad. Within 15 minutes, Zac Efron's character’s little brother had died in a car accident when neither boy should have been going anywhere anyway. 

Tears were streaming down both girls’ faces. 

Not just because of the movie, of course, they had both been through some shit and this was one of those movies that made you acknowledge it. But neither girl knew that the other was crying for exceedingly similar reasons as themselves. 

“Well fuck,” Clarke said finally, once the credits had began rolling. 

Lexa let out a long breath. “Friends re-runs?” 

Clarke nodded, “Yes, God yes. No more sad movies on movie night unless it’s a disney movie,” Clarke said. “Like, jesus fucking christ, for real though.”

“Agreed. Definitely agreed,” Lexa replied. Both girls looked vaguely traumatized. The grief in the movie was all too real for them and hit far too close to home. 

Lexa randomly clicked on an episode, this one titled “The One With Rachel’s Big Kiss” and she and Clarke sat together almost in silence throughout the first episode. When it was over and the next episode started playing, they pulled out Oreos. Because a Friends marathon and Oreos fixes everything. 

It was 4 a.m. when they finally fell asleep. They had both fallen asleep in Lexa’s bed around probably the sixth episode.

* * *

 

The next morning, Lexa woke up first. Groggily, she looked around. Clarke was curled up on the other side of the bed. She smiled before grabbing her phone to check the time; 12:30. 

_ “Fuck,” _ she thought. 

“Clarke, wake up,” Lexa gently shook Clarke’s shoulder. “Clarke!”

“Mmm…” Clarke mumbled incoherently. “What?”

“Clarke, it’s 12:30. You’re late to class,” Lexa told her, climbing over Clarke to get off the bed.  Clarke shot up before taking a moment to think about it and slumping back down.

“It started half an hour ago, I’m not going,” she said dismissively. 

“But-”

“Octavia takes it with me, I’ll just get the notes from her,” Clarke said. 

Lexa was amazed at how nonchalant Clarke was being. If it was her, Lexa knew she’d be panicking. She couldn’t afford to miss a single day of class.

Clarke yawned, flopping back down in Lexa’s bed as Lexa got changed.

“Do you have anything today?” Clarke asked Lexa.

Lexa shook her head while pulling up her jeans. 

“Do you want to go to lunch? I can maybe invite Raven too,” Clarke asked her. 

“Sure,” Lexa said. She had yet to really get to know Raven. She had only met her in passing and heard Clarke and Octavia talk about her.  

It took a full twenty minutes for Clarke to even get her ass out of Lexa’s bed and get up to get ready to go. 

“Oh, Raven just texted me back asking if she can bring Finn, her boyfriend, with her. Is that okay with you?” Clarke asked.

Lexa looked up from her psych textbook to answer Clarke, “yeah, that’s fine.” She was just trying to get her reading for psychology done while Clarke got ready. Clarke moved as slow as possible in the mornings-even if it wasn’t technically still the morning. Besides, Lexa had a date with Costia tomorrow and wanted at least most of her work done today. 

Finally, Clarke was ready to go. They were going to meet Raven and Finn at the restaurant, and Lexa had offered to drive her and Clarke there. 

When they got into the restaurant, Finn and Raven had already been seated and waved Clarke and Lexa over. 

Clarke introduced Lexa to the other two, “Lex, this is Raven and her boyfriend Finn. Raven, Finn, this is my friend and roommate, Lexa.”

The regular college getting-to-know-you small talk lasted for a while before they moved onto other subjects. 

Raven was very energetic and enthused; she was the type of person Lexa had always imagined Clarke to be friends with. Finn, on the other hand, was much more subdued, but only to the point where he and Raven balanced each other out well. The love in both of their eyes when they looked at each other was painfully obvious. 

_ “Yeah, they’ve been together for three and a half years,” Clarke told Lexa later. _

“When does Octavia get back from her classes today?” Clarke asked Raven. “I’m gonna need the notes I missed from today.”

“The class you have with her is her last class of the day, so she should be back soon, but she has a date,” Raven said, wiggling her eyebrows. 

“Ooh, why haven’t I heard about this?” Clarke asked. 

“She was trying to keep it a secret. I only found out cause a text popped up on her phone while I had it,” Raven said, leaning back into her boyfriend.

“She didn’t want you to say anything, and the first thing you do is tell all of us?” Finn asked, smirking. 

“Hey, if she didn’t want me to find out, she shouldn’t have given me her phone,” Raven shrugged. 

“Who is this mystery guy, do you know?” Clarke asked. 

Raven shrugged, “Some guy named Lincoln. Finn knows him.”

Both Lexa and Clarke’s eyes widened. “That’s the guy we saw at Friendly’s that one time,” Lexa said. 

“Yeah, it is,” Clarke said with excitement. 

“So you’ve seen him? Is he hot?” Raven asked, then she added, “Finn just rolled his eyes when I asked him. He refuses to participate in spying on O.”

Clarke and Lexa laughed, “That’s cause he knows O will kick his ass,” Clarke said. 

Lexa liked Raven’s careless spontaneity and enthusiasm. It was kind of refreshing, and she could tell how well Raven and Finn got along, especially for having been together for as long as they had. She didn’t even mind not being a part of the conversation so much; listening to the banter between the other two girls was amusing enough.

At one point after Raven said something completely out there, Lexa happened to catch Finn’s eye. He just smiled and shrugged at her, as if to say “you get used to it.” 

“Fuck, Raven. How the hell can you eat all that shit and still look like  _ that _ ?” Clarke asked Raven. When the food had finally come out, Raven had practically inhaled her plate of quesadillas. 

Raven smirked,” I run regularly and work out, Clarke. Five am, every day. You can come if you want?” 

“Five am? Jesus christ Rae! And yeah, not gonna happen; I wouldn’t last five minutes. You’re girlfriend’s fucking crazy, Finn,” the rest of the table laughed at Clarke. 

“It does make you look like that, though, so maybe you’re not  _ completely  _ crazy.” Clarke added. Lexa saw some emotion she didn’t recognize flash across Clarke’s face, but it was gone as quickly as it came.  

* * *

 

It was late that night when Clarke and Lexa were finally getting ready for bed. 

“So how did you like Raven and Finn?” Clarke asked Lexa.

“They seem great, Clarke. All your friends do.”

The room was quiet for a minute, both girls lying on their respective beds. 

“It’s crazy how early Raven gets up to work out,” Clarke said finally. 

Lexa nodded before realizing Clarke couldn’t see her in the dark, “Yeah, I can only ever run in the evening.”

“You run too?” Clarke asked. 

“Yeah, a couple times a week. Only a mile or two though,” Lexa said. 

Clarke laughed, “I guess I’m the only one not doing some kind of exercise.” 

The room was quiet for a few more minutes before Clarke spoke again, “Lunch was fun today… Do you want to maybe go for dinner tomorrow after class? Like just Panera or something?” 

“I would… but I have a date with Costia tomorrow, Clarke,” Lexa said. “Do you want to grab lunch?”

Clarke felt a sinking in her stomach. “Oh. No, I can’t. I don’t think our schedules match up for lunch tomorrow with my lab.”

“Oh...okay,” Lexa replied. 

For some reason Lexa felt almost guilty that she had to say no to Clarke, even though she hadn’t seen Costia in almost two weeks. 

And Clarke was more annoyed by Lexa’s date with Costia than she should've been. She had almost forgotten they were dating; it’s not like Costia put in the effort to see Lexa.    
Both girls felt uneasy as they finally drifted off to sleep. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it's starting to get interesting! And longer. Hope you like it:)

Lexa was excited, to say the least. The past week had been something special; her and Costia’s two year anniversary, and it had been amazing. Lexa and Costia had gone to a fancy restaurant and they spent every moment they could together. It was almost like high-school again, and Lexa forgave the fact that she hadn’t seen much of her girlfriend since school started. They had both been rather busy, she had to admit.

Tonight, Costia was coming over to her dorm and they were going to just hang out and spend some time together. They had been doing special things all week, yes, but they hadn’t just spent time together in a long time. She had already cleared it with Clarke who agreed to leave as soon as Raven and Octavia got back from class to let her into their dorm. Clarke would, however, be there for about half an hour with Costia there. 

The girl in question was currently lying on her bed, working on some sort of homework. Lexa was obsessively cleaning up - it felt weird to be nervous about Costia coming over, but she was. She guessed it was just because she hadn’t really had Costia over to her dorm much before, or just because they had both changed some since the last time they had really hung out, but either way she was nervous.

Clarke looked up from her homework, feeling Lexa’s gaze on her. “Lex, you okay?”

Lexa nodded, “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” 

Clarke gave her a vaguely disbelieving look, but turned back to her homework. Lexa flopped backwards onto her bed and stared up at the ceiling. She heard Clarke sigh, and glanced over at her to see the girl looking at her again. 

“What?” she asked. 

Clarke rolled her eyes, “You look like a nervous love-sick puppy. What time does she get here?” 

Lexa’s cheeks flushed, “In about half an hour,” she answered. 

“So you two have been seeing each other more then?” Clarke asked, though she knew the answer. She knew Lexa had spent practically every waking moment with Costia the past week. 

Lexa smiled, “Yeah, we're really putting in the effort lately. School has just been so busy...but it's getting better.”

Clarke half-smiled at her, “Good,” she said and once again turned back to her work. 

The half an hour before Costia got there passed agonizingly slow for Lexa, but for Clarke it was gone in a minute. 

It was  exactly 4:30 when Clarke and Lexa heard the knock on their door. Before Clarke could even sit up, Lexa was at the door, a giddy smile on her face. 

“Costia!” Lexa got on her tiptoes to give Costia a quick kiss. 

“Hey Lexie,” Costia greeted her, taking Lexa's hand in hers and glancing somewhat warily at Clarke.

Clarke cringed. She knew she must not have made a good first impression with the other girl. 

“Hi, I'm Clarke. We've met once before…” Clarke said, trying her best to keep a genuine smile on her face. 

She felt Lexa's eyes on her and Clarke was glad to see that she looked very pleased that Clarke had not acted as - well, rude as she had last time. 

“Yeah, we have. I'm Costia,” Costia said, the signs of distrust on her face fading. 

“Nice to meet you- and don't worry, you two will have the room to yourselves in half an hour,” Clarke said politely. 

“You too, and thanks,” Costia replied, before looking back at Lexa, who pulled her gaze off Clarke and back to her girlfriend. 

“Oh, we can just- do you want to watch Netflix for a - a little while?” Lexa asked Costia. 

Clarke, who had buried herself back in her homework, had to resist the urge to roll her eyes at the obvious code for “until Clarke leaves the room.”

While the half an hour before Costia had gotten there passed quickly for Clarke, the half an hour until she could go to Octavia and Raven’s passed beyond slowly. 

She could hear Lexa and Costia’s giggles at the show and at the soft butterfly kisses they were sharing. 

She had one earbud in, but she could still hear Costia's sweet words, and Lexa's soft laugh that followed. She put the other earbud in. 

She chanced a glance up at them, and the look of pure love on Lexa's face and the contentment on Costia's was apparent. Whatever Clarke's reasons for disliking Costia, Lexa was so obviously in love with the girl. 

Clarke felt like she was going to throw up, and she didn't really know why. She glanced at her phone to see that she only had five more minutes until Octavia and Raven were back at their dorm. Clarke started packing up her things, and after a moment of internal debate, she picked up her art supplies and the painting she had been working on. 

“Bye Lexa, bye Costia,” Clarke said loudly enough for them to tear their eyes off of each other for two seconds. 

Lexa's eyes met hers, and she saw something akin to guilt flash upon Lexa's face- for what reason, Clarke didn't know. 

“Bye Clarke,” said Costia, who looked positively delighted that Clarke was leaving. 

“Bye Clarke-” Clarke was out of the room before she heard Lexa finish.

Clarke let out a breath she wasn't even aware she was holding, as she made her way to Octavia and Raven’s dorm-room. Something about Costia, her and Lexa, got to her and just added on to the stress of her week. 

“Hey Clarke,” Raven said, letting her in. 

“Hey Rae,” Clarke answered. She felt whatever anxiety she had start to fade a little bit. 

“You okay?” Octavia asked her. 

“Yeah,” Clarke nodded, “Yeah, I'm fine.”

Octavia and Raven raised their eyebrows a bit, but didn't say anything as Clarke pulled her laptop out to finish her homework. 

“So,” Octavia started, “there's a party this weekend.”

“Ooh, where?” Raven asked and Clarke nodded. 

“Lincoln’s friend’s, so Finn probably knows about the party,” Octavia said. “Do you guys want to come? Rae you can bring Finn and Clarke you can bring Lexa if you want, she seemed cool,” Octavia suggested. 

“Yeah, totally!” Raven said, “Sounds fun.”

“Yeah, I'll ask Lexa. She might want to bring her girlfriend-they've been a bit attached at the hip lately,” Clarke said the second part with sarcasm but the other two girls either didn't notice or didn't care. 

“Well then tell her she can bring her girlfriend too,” Octavia replied. 

The other two girls started talking about their plans for this weekend and their boyfriends while Clarke just turned her attention back to her homework.

* * *

 

The next day, Clarke and Lexa had Psych together and as per usual they walked there together. 

“So how was last night with Costia?” Clarke asked Lexa. 

“Good, it was really fun,” Lexa said with a smile. 

“Oh I'm sure it was,” Clarke said with a smirk, suggestively raising her eyebrows. 

“Clarke!”

Clarke laughed, “Sorry,” she said, sounding anything but. 

Lexa did her absolute best death glare, which wasn't that great when it came to Clarke. 

“Okay, okay, sorry. She seems really nice,” Clarke said with more sincerity this time. 

“Thank you,” Lexa said, smirking. 

“So, anyway, Raven told me about this frat party on Friday if you want to come… and you could bring Costia too if you wanted,” Clarke told her. 

Lexa shrugged, “Maybe. I'll ask Costia. I'm not a huge fan of college parties, and I have a paper due Monday.”

“Well just tell me if you're going,” Clarke said and Lexa nodded. 

After class, Clarke's mood shifted. 

“I failed it. I knew I should have studied for that test and I didn't and look,” Clarke said as she and Lexa left the building. 

“That sucks, Clarke,” Lexa said.

“What'd you get?” Clarke asked. 

“A 94,” answered Lexa, “but I studied.”

“Well now I have a C in the class to go with my bio grade.”

When Friday night finally rolled around, Clarke was more than grateful for the distraction the party was going to give her. 

“So are you coming?” Clarke asked Lexa. 

Lexa nodded, “Yeah, Costia already knew about the party and said I should come.”

“Sweet,” Clarke said, before her phone rang. She moved to answer it, not even bothering to look at the caller Id. 

“Hello?”

“Clarke?”

“Mom?”

Clarke seemed to turn white as a ghost when she heard the other person, who Lexa assumed was her mother, talk. Lexa looked at her curiously as Clarke left the room. 

“What do you want?” Clarke asked her mother, once the door to her dorm was safely shut. 

“Clarke, we haven't talked in months, I just wanted to see how you were-”

“Well I'm fine, thanks,” Clarke said coldly. 

“Clarke, please - just give me a chance-” 

“You blew your chance a  _ long  _ time ago. I have to go.” Clarke hung up the 

phone without another word. 

“Are you okay?” Lexa asked Clarke when she came back into the room, still fuming. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine,” Clarke lied. 

They got ready the rest of the way in relative quiet. 

Octavia, Clarke and Lexa were to ride together to the party. Raven and Finn went together and Octavia and Lexa were to meet their other halves there. 

“Clarke, are you okay?” Octavia asked her, after she only got a smirk out of Clarke when talking about Raven and Finn. 

“Wha-yeah. I'm fine O, it's just been a long day,” Clarke said, putting on a smile. Both Octavia and Lexa glanced warily at Clarke and at each other, but neither girl said anything. 

When they got there, however, Clarke's mood got extraordinarily better, so Octavia and Lexa forgot to worry. 

Costia was a little late, but Lexa soon found her girlfriend. Lincoln, on the other hand, was already there and standing with Raven and Finn, drinks in hand. 

“Lincoln!” Octavia said happily when she saw him. “Linc, this is my friend Clarke, and this is Lexa. Guys, this is Lincoln,” Octavia introduced the girls to Lincoln. 

“So, we finally get to meet him,” Clarke said jokingly. 

Octavia laughed, “Yeah, finally.”

“Nice to meet you two,” Lincoln said politely to Lexa and Clarke. The group who wasn’t already holding drinks went to go get some, minus Lexa. 

“You coming?” Clarke asked her. 

“No, I’m gonna wait for Costia. I don’t really drink,” Lexa said. Clarke nodded in understanding as she and Octavia went to the kitchen to get drinks. The frat house was pretty big, as far as frat houses go, and it was getting pretty crowded quickly. 

Normally, Clarke wouldn’t be one to get sloppy drunk, but tonight - well this week had been rough, to say the least, and Clarke was ready to drink. 

Clarke had already done a shot and finished her first Smirnoff Ice when Costia got there - 45 minutes late. Lexa’s face lit up like a christmas tree when she saw Costia. Clarke wasn’t a fan of Costia, not by a long shot, but she had to admit she saw how happy the girl made Lexa. Clarke sighed and knocked back another shot. 

* * *

“Costia, you’re here!” Lexa said with excitement. 

“Yep, I’m here Lexie. Where’s the alcohol?” Costia asked after pressing a quick kiss to the top of Lexa’s head. 

Lexa pointed towards the kitchen, interlocking her other hand in Costia’s. Costia led them towards the kitchen, pouring a drink for both herself and Lexa.  Lexa looked distastefully at the drink, but she took it, however, with no intentions of drinking it.

“Hey Lexie, I just want you to know that a few of my other friends are going to be here tonight too,” Costia said. Lexa’s face fell, but she nodded. 

“Let’s go dance now then,” Lexa said. Costia and Lexa only danced for about an hour before Costia’s friends got there. 

“Hey, baby, I’m only going to dance with them for a little while. Okay?” Costia told her. 

“Okay,” Lexa said. She waited for almost an hour, but she hadn’t even seen Costia in ages, and she decided it was time to go home. Octavia was the first one from their group that she saw, so she told her she was taking a cab home so no one would wait up for her. When she got back to her dorm room, it was only 11 o’clock. She should have known this was going to happen. Costia didn’t really have a history of sticking with Lexa at parties, especially because she never drank. 

It usually wasn’t a problem, but Lexa knew she should never have gone to that party. She only agreed because Clarke looked so hopeful when she asked Lexa to come. Not that Clarke stuck with her either, but Clarke wasn’t her girlfriend. She didn’t have to stick with her, but Lexa was still vaguely annoyed about it. 

Lexa sighed, figuring if she wasn’t partying she could at least watch Netflix ‘till 4 in the morning. She was watching Friends, continuing from where she and Clarke had last left off, when her phone rang. 

“Hello?” she answered groggily, seeing Clarke’s caller ID on her phone. 

“Lexa? It’s Octavia.”

“Octavia? What’s up? Why do you have Clarke’s phone? Is everything okay?”

Octavia didn’t answer, but asked a question of her own. “Lexa, do you have a car?”   


“Yes but--”

“Look, I don’t want to put this on you but shit happened. Clarke’s fine, a fucking idiot, but fine. Just really, really drunk. Can you come pick her up?” Octavia asked. 

Octavia sounded tipsy, angry, and worried, but not drunk. “I-yeah. Yeah, I’ll come get her.”

“I’ll tell you the whole story when you get here. She really fucked up.”

Lexa spent the 15 minute car ride wondering what in the hell Clarke could have done, and why she got so drunk. From what she could tell, that didn’t seem like Clarke. And Lexa was worried. 

When she got there, Octavia explained the situation, frankly surprising Lexa. Clarke got super drunk and kissed Finn. Raven saw. Then all hell broke loose apparently. Octavia helped Lexa help Clarke into the car. Lexa glanced over at Clarke; there were tears streaming down her face, her mascara was smeared, and her hair was a mess. 

“I fucked up, Lex,” Clarke mumbled. 

Lexa sighed, “Yeah, Clarke. You did. 

“I’m such an idiot, Lex.”

“Why’d you get so drunk? Why’d you kiss him?”

Clarke pouted like she was five, “Because.”

“Because?” Lexa prompted. 

“Because--because, I don’t know? He was there? And I felt awful! I-I’m not good enough…for anyone! Because I’ll never be what my mom wants, and I can’t forgive her for what happened to my dad and now-now I’m just like her!” 

“Clarke-”  Lexa pulled the car over. She didn’t know what Clarke was talking about, with her parents, but Lexa assumed it had something to do with that phone call Clarke got earlier. 

“And I’m never going be skinny like you and O and Raven and-”

“Not skinny enough? Clarke-you’re gorgeous.” Lexa honestly had no idea where any of this was coming from, and she felt a twang of guilt that she’d been so preoccupied that she hadn’t noticed something was up with Clarke. Now all she wanted to do was hug her and make it all go away.

“And I’m not doing well in my classes, and I’m never going to be perfect like you are Lex,” Clarke’s voice softened, “You’re so smart, and on top of life, and so obviously in love with Costia, no matter what I-” Clarke’s voice broke off in a sob. 

Clarke’s words stunned Lexa. She wasn’t perfect, and she kind of hated that Clarke saw her like that-that Clarke thought she was perfect, but didn’t see it in herself. Because Lexa saw it in Clarke. Clarke was beautiful, and smart, and kind, and an amazing artist, and she was so close with Raven and Octavia and- well she was, anyway. Lexa didn’t know how this would affect Clarke and the other two girls’ relationships. 

She shook the thoughts away and moved to comfort Clarke, before realizing the girl was shivering. Lexa had the heat blasting, so Clarke shouldn’t be cold. Suddenly Clarke bolted upright. 

“Lex- gonna-” Clarke opened the door and practically fell out of the car, before vomiting on the side of the road. Lexa jumped out of her seat, coming around to Clarke’s side to help her. 

“Clarke, hey… Oh, Clarke…” Lexa held Clarke’s hair back as she puked, still crying. They sat together for a few minutes before Lexa tried to get Clarke back in the car. Clarke was shivering even harder now, and Lexa was starting to get really worried about the amount of alcohol Clarke had consumed. 

When Lexa finally got Clarke back into the car, Clarke didn’t warm back up in the heat, and she was starting to doze off. 

“Clarke, you’re freezing…” Lexa whispered. 

“And...really tired,” Clarke mumbled. 

“Clarke, exactly how much did you have to drink?” Lexa was met with silence from Clarke, who was completely passed out. 

“Clarke…? Oh, god. Fuck it, fuck this. You probably have alcohol poisoning,” Lexa said, hitting the gas. 

“Clarke, I’m taking you to the hospital,” Lexa told Clarke, even though she knew Clarke couldn’t hear her. The ten minute drive only took five for Lexa. She pulled up right to the front doors and ran in to get help bringing Clarke inside, just thanking god for immunity laws. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so sorry this one took so long. I do have Chapters seven and eight written, and I will post seven when I finish chapter nine, which is almost done finally. It's been a crazy couple of months guys, sorry. Anyway, hope you enjoy!

When Lexa was finally allowed into Clarke’s hospital room, Clarke was fast asleep, curled up into a little ball with an IV sticking out of her arm. Lexa sighed. She didn’t like hospital rooms-but did anyone, really? Everyone has a hospital sob story. She plopped herself down in the crappy armchair next to Clarke’s bed and looked at her. Clarke looked so small lying in that hospital bed, and all her fierceness, all the things Lexa saw as uniquely Clarke were no longer there. Clarke looked like a child, and her innocence shined through as she slept.

Lexa took comfort in the steady beeping of the monitors. Clarke was going to be okay. She was fine. She took a deep breath and positioned herself in the chair to face Clarke’s bed. It was a while before she fell asleep, but once she finally did, she was out cold.

 

* * *

 

 

When Lexa woke up the next morning, her first thought was Clarke. She bolted upright to see the other girl still fast asleep. It was almost 11 o’clock, which was the latest Lexa had slept in a while. She couldn’t get rid of the gnawing feeling in her stomach, even though she knew Clarke was perfectly fine. And on top of that, she was pissed. Clarke was an idiot last night, and she had scared the crap out of Lexa.

Instead of dwelling on it, Lexa took a trip to the cafeteria for breakfast, and to her car to see if she had any spare clothes for when Clarke woke up. Luckily enough, she had a duffel bag of stuff that Anya left in her car last summer when they went on vacation. By the time she came back to the hospital room, it was nearly one and Clarke had yet to wake up. Lexa just sat herself back in the chair and read her book for class until Clarke woke up, which wasn’t too much later.

“Shit,” Lexa heard Clarke mutter.

“Clarke!” Lexa’s relief at seeing Clarke awake made her temporarily forget that she was supposed to be pissed off.

Clarke winced at the lights as she obviously felt her headache hitting her.

“Wh-what the hell happened?” Clarke asked. The utter fear on Clarke’s face ruined the whole ‘pissed off’ thing too, as now Lexa could only feel bad for Clarke.

“You got scary drunk,” Lexa responded. “Octavia called me to come pick you up, and you were vomiting and shivering. I thought you could have alcohol poisoning.”

“D-do I? Wait, wait Lex I was drinking underage! I could-”

“Hey, hey Clarke. Calm down,” Lexa said, putting a hand on the other girl’s shoulder to try and calm her rising panic..

“No, you didn’t have alcohol poisoning, but you were close, and no you aren’t going to get in trouble. There are laws that if you get brought to the hospital or someone calls 911, they can’t prosecute you. You’re fine. You’re going to be fine,” Lexa said.

Clarke closed her eyes and breathed a sigh of relief, a tear slipping down her face.

“Do you remember anything that happened last night?” Lexa asked Clarke gently.

“No…” Clarke shook her head.

“Clarke… you kissed Finn last night. Raven saw it and Octavia sounded pretty pissed off when she called me to get you,” Lexa said hesitantly.

“Oh, god…” Clarke rolled onto her side and put her hands over her face, sobs now escaping her. “I fucked up Lexa.”

“Shh… I know. It’ll be okay Clarke… You’ll be okay,” Lexa gently brushed Clarke’s hair out of her face, her other hand rubbing circles on Clarke’s back.

It took a few minutes for Clarke to calm down, but once she did she was somewhat clear-headed again.

“God, I’m sorry Lexa. You shouldn’t have to deal with this-with me,” Clarke said apologetically.

“No, Clarke, it’s okay. I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“So when can I get out of here?” Clarke asked.

“The doctor said today. We should probably call the nurse in now though,” Lexa said. Clarke nodded.

When everything was finally said and done, Clarke was cleared to leave with essentially a prescription of: drink lots of water and don’t be a dumbass again. She changed into the clothes Lexa had brought for her--a pair of sweatpants and a red and black flannel.

“Ready?” Lexa asked.

Clarke nodded, “Yeah, I’m ready… I’m really sorry Lex,” Clarke said again.

Lexa half smiled, “It’s okay. Let’s go, I’m sure you have a lot to talk about with Raven and Octavia,” Lexa said as they started to walk out to the car.

“Oh god, don’t remind me,” Clarke said.

The ride back to their dorm was quiet. When Lexa chanced a glance at Clarke, she saw the tears streaming down her face, and Lexa promptly looked back at the road. Clarke had really fucked up, and Lexa knew she was sorry, she was just concerned at how Raven and Octavia would take it. 

 

* * *

 

  
Clarke felt immensely guilty. Not only for kissing Finn, but for forcing Lexa to have to deal with her and take care of her. Lexa was being so nice to her too; it made Clarke feel like a child.

And Raven. God, Raven was going to hate her. Clarke didn’t even know why she kissed Finn. She didn’t have a reason. She definitely didn’t like him like that. She was just really drunk, and he was there. She closed her eyes and leaned her head on the window when she started crying. She could feel Lexa looking at her, but Clarke ignored her.

When they finally got back to their dorms, Clarke only stayed long enough to brush her teeth and wash off her caked-on makeup. She finally turned towards Lexa who was sitting on her bed, just watching Clarke.

“Lexa… I’m so sorry you had to deal with all that last night. I’m so sorry I dragged you into all this. I swear it won’t happen again,” Clarke told her solemnly, fear in her eyes. Any trace of annoyance Lexa might have been holding on to faded away at the desperate look on Clarke’s face.

Lexa half smiled. “I know. It’s okay. I think it’s Raven and Octavia you need to worry about,” Lexa said, nodding her head towards the door.

Clarke sighed. “Yeah. Yeah, thank you,” Clarke said, and in a second she practically ran out the door, down the hallway and up the stairs to Octavia and Raven’s dorm.

Clarke hesitated before knocking on the door. It felt strange to be knocking, when she normally just walked right in.

She stood there, waiting for someone to answer, but neither Octavia nor Raven opened the door. She could hear them in the room, and she knocked again. When still no one opened the door it felt like a knife in her stomach. Whatever strength had been holding her up seemed to fade away, and she sank down, her back against the wall next to the door. She pulled her knees up to her chest and put her head on her knees. She felt like she was going to throw up. All it took to lose her two best friends was one stupid mistake when she was drunk. She didn't notice when the talking inside the dorm quieted and she jumped up in surprise when the door opened.

“Octavia!” Clarke said in surprise.

Octavia looked Clarke up and down, taking in the clothes that weren't hers, the ratty hair, and her eyes which were obviously puffy from crying.

“What happened to you?” Octavia asked, all other thoughts flying out of her head at Clarke's state.

“Nothing. It doesn't matter,” Clarke dismissed it. “Wh-how's Raven? How...how angry is she? Can I talk to her? I didn't mean-” Clarke blubbered, but Octavia cut her off.

“Clarke. You do realize just how much you fucked up, don't you? Why? That's what I want to know. Why'd you kiss him? She's been crying and angry and hurt since last night! You know how she is!” The volume of Octavia’s voice lowered, but she sounded angrier. “You know she doesn't trust easily. What the hell is wrong with you?”

“I-I know. Believe me, I know. I fucked up. And I-I don't know why… I was really drunk last night, O. I don't even remember it, or anything past maybe my fifth drink. I'm sorry, I…” Clarke felt the tears well up in her eyes again.

Octavia didn't say anything for a while. Finally, right when Clarke thought she couldn't stand the silence any longer, Octavia spoke. “You fucked up, Clarke. That was a bitch move, whatever the hell your reasons. Raven is pretty upset and hurt right now, and frankly I am too. So I'd suggest you stay away for a while,” Octavia said coldly, her voice not giving any hint of emotion. She went back into the dorm, shutting the door behind her.

Clarke didn't know how everything could spiral out of control so quickly. She had been stressed. She drank too much. She kissed her best friend's boyfriend. She ended up in the hospital. She wasn’t sure how she managed to fuck up her whole life in one night.

She forced herself back to her dorm room and just flopped down on her bed, not even bothering to acknowledge Lexa, who was still sitting in her own bed.

Lexa wordlessly made her way over to Clarke and sat next to her.

“It didn't go well?” She asked. Clarke made a mumbling noise in response, her head still buried in her pillow. Lexa rubbed her back when she started sobbing.

Clarke didn't think she had ever hated herself more in her life than she did in that moment; lying next to Lexa, crying and helpless over things that were her own damn fault.

“Shh… you’re okay. They’ll come around eventually. It’s okay,” Lexa said, still rubbing circles on Clarke’s back.

When Clarke’s breathing finally evened out again and her crying slowed, she looked up at Lexa. “God Lex. I’m so sorry. I’m such a mess.”

“Only a little bit,” Lexa smiled, and Clarke even managed to crack a smile. “How about a Friends marathon?”

“That sounds great,” Clarke said, so Lexa put on the episode that they had been about to watch next the last time, completely okay with rewatching a few herself.

They laid down next to each other on Lexa’s bed, the laptop between them, as they started the marathon. Lexa knew she should probably be doing homework, but it didn't seem nearly as important as Clarke. Nothing seemed as important when Clarke, whose head was on her shoulder and who still let a tear roll down her face every once in awhile, was in so much pain. Even if it was her own fault.

So Lexa and Clarke laid together watching Netflix for the majority of the day, not pausing until six when they were both starving.

“Chinese sound good?” Clarke asked Lexa.

“Sure.”

Clarke ordered their food--they shared a container of general chicken and rice--and once it got there, they settled back into their previous positions, the laptop between them. Eventually, when it was long past when they should have been asleep, Clarke turned the computer off and moved it to Lexa's bedside table.

Lexa raised a questioning eyebrow at her, and Clarke looked down. “Thank you,” she said sincerely. “You didn't need to do what you did today. But you did. So, thank you for sticking by me when I really didn't deserve it,” she met Lexa’s eyes in the last sentence, allowing herself to be vulnerable and exposed, waiting for Lexa to respond.

“You messed up, but that doesn't mean everyone has to be upset with you and it doesn't mean you need to punish yourself for it, Clarke. Everyone needs someone there for them, even when they don't think they deserve it,” Lexa replied, giving Clarke a half smile. Clarke didn't answer, and stayed where she laid, next to Lexa. Her thoughts were everywhere as she stared at the ceiling, wondering how she managed to screw this up? How could she have lost her best friends? Just yesterday she, Raven and Octavia were perfectly fine, and now they hated her. She must have laid there for almost an hour before she realized Lexa had long since fallen asleep. Instead of moving to her own bed, Clarke just turned her body to a more comfortable position, facing Lexa, and was asleep within a few minutes.

“G’night Lexa,” Clarke mumbled, before drifting off to sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo sorry this is taking so long but chapter 9 really doesn't want to be written... Enjoy this chapter though!

It had been a month since Clarke's incident, and nothing much had changed. Raven was still mad at her, neither she nor Octavia would talk to her, and she felt the most alone she had felt since her father’s death. 

The only light in the darkness was that she and Lexa had become a lot closer in the past month, now that Clarke was spending so much time in their dorm and not with Octavia and Raven. 

It was December, and they were nearing the end of fall semester. The only other good thing about her lack of social life is that Clarke managed to bring her grades up, with nothing lower than a high ‘B’. Clarke sighed, willing herself to focus on the paper in front of her that she was supposed to be reading for class. That didn't last long, however, because Lexa soon came bursting through the door, yelling at someone over the phone. 

“Just because I worry about you going out drinking every fucking night does not make me an uptight bitch! It means I care about you!” Clarke looked up at Lexa, startled. She had never heard her roommate’s voice get that loud before. Lexa didn't seem to notice Clarke staring at her. 

“Of course I trust you, this has nothing to do...No, Costia if that’s what I was upset about...Who the hell is April?...Well I don't care what April thinks, she can endanger herself...Look, Costia. I've seen someone I care about hospitalized for this shit before and she doesn't go out nearly as much as you. I don't want to see it happen again…” Clarke could only hear Lexa’s side of the conversation, but Lexa's last sentence punched her in the gut. 

Clarke watched curiously as Lexa continued arguing with her girlfriend over the phone. When, at long last, she hung up, she sighed and finally looked at Clarke. 

Lexa flushed red and started stammering out an apology, “I'm so sorry Clarke, I know you didn't need to hear that-” 

Clarke cut her off, shaking her head. “It's fine. But are you okay? That didn't sound too good…”

Lexa sighed again, her whole body language softening back to how she usually was. It threw Clarke to see Lexa so upset, as she usually seemed so unbothered by things. 

“Costia has been partying ever since we got here. And I'm not talking about weekend partying, I mean like going to class drunk partying. I finally told her I was worried about her and she called me an uptight bitch.” Lexa didn't mention why she finally told Costia how she felt about the drinking, but both girls knew it was because of Clarke. 

“What was that about an April?” Clarke asked. 

“Her roommate. April told Costia that I was upset because I don't trust her or I think she's cheating or some bullshit… I don't know, it's a mess.”

Clarke looked at Lexa. Now that her anger had deflated, she just looked so small and tired. There were tears in the corners of her eyes that she was doing her best to blink back. Clarke looked down at the article she was reading, and decided it wasn't that important. 

Lexa could feel Clarke looking at her but Lexa just laid back on her bed, blinking back tears. She didn't know how everything had escalated like it had. She just wanted everything to slow down for five minutes so she could pull her shit together. She was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she didn't realize Clarke had gotten up until she was sitting on Lexa's bed, telling her to put her shoes back on. 

Lexa looked up in confusion. 

“You heard me. Shoes on. We're going out,” Clarke said. 

 

“Wha-where?” Lexa asked Clarke. 

“Dunno, but it’s not like you’re going to get anything done with how upset you are and there’s no way I can get things done knowing you’re upset, so let’s go for a walk. We’ll walk around until we find somewhere to eat,” Clarke suggested with a shrug. 

Lexa eyed her for a moment, considering her words. She had a lot to do, but she knew Clarke was right. She wasn’t going to get anything done with how upset she was, and besides, it was really nice out for early December. Lexa was still wiping a few stray tears from her face as they got ready to go, but Clarke took her hand, and they walked outside together. 

They were quiet for a few minutes, before Lexa finally asked Clarke where they were walking to. 

“I don’t know,” Clarke replied with a shrug, “we could go get some coffee or something?” 

“Okay,” Lexa nodded, but Clarke could tell she was still upset. She hadn’t even made eye contact with Clarke the whole time they were walking. Clarke sighed, looking at Lexa. She spotted a nearby bench, and pulled Lexa towards it by their still intertwined hands. 

Lexa looked questioningly at Clarke as they sat down. “You're still upset about her,” Clarke stated. 

“Well, yeah,” Lexa replied. 

“Just try not to think about it, Lex. As much as I think you could do better than Costia, I know you love her and she loves you. You're going to be fine, alright?” Clarke said, squeezing Lexa's hand. 

Lexa nodded quickly, trying hard to wipe off the tears that were now streaming down her face. Clarke pulled her into a hug, and she could feel Lexa starting to cry again.

“Unless you want to talk about it? Cause I know I said don’t think about it, but I will listen if that’s what you need,” Clarke whispered. She felt Lexa nod against her, and waited until her sobs had slowed some before pulling away from the hug. 

Clarke waited as Lexa wiped the tears from her eyes. It was quiet. Almost no one was out, even with how pretty it was outside. 

“It-it’s just that… Costia is my first girlfriend. She was a year older than me in high school. We had a class together when I was a junior and she was a senior. Neither of us really knew anyone in the class so we started hanging out a lot. I fell for her and I didn’t think I would have a chance with her… but I did. Cheesy high school crap, I know,” Lexa smiled. “But she’s been there for me through everything...through my parents’ death when I was 16…There was a fire. I wasn’t home. My sister, Anya, had to leave her new fancy job to take care of me...got an apartment...” her voice trailed off. 

“Lex… I’m so sorry… I know how losing a parent feels. My dad died last summer,” Clarke said softly. 

“I’m sorry,” Lexa said sincerely. 

Clarke shrugged, “Anyway, so she’s been with you through everything,” Clarke prompted Lexa to continue. This was her therapy session, Clarke didn’t want to ruin it with her own baggage. 

“Yeah. She's been with me through everything,” Lexa said.

“In high school we were inseparable. And then even when she went to college last year we still kept up a long distance relationship, and it worked pretty well. She would call at least once a week and she’d come home a few times a month. And then I got into the same university as her, I thought we would be just like we were in high school again...inseparable. But we’re not. And then she started drinking this year, or maybe she did last year, I wouldn’t know,” Lexa said bitterly, tears welling up in her eyes. 

“Costia… she’s always had her issues, but I was always there for her too! And now she won’t let me and she’s pushing me away and I don’t- I can’t” her voice broke off, and she was in Clarke’s arms again, sobbing. Clarke held her as she cried, understanding now why Lexa was with someone who treated her the way Costia did. She honestly couldn’t say she hated Costia now. She didn’t like the girl by any means, but she understood. 

“She saved me and she won’t let me help her,” Lexa whispered. 

“It’s not your fault,” Clarke whispered to her. She was crying now too. “It’s not your fault. Sometimes people aren’t good at letting people in, and it’s not your fault, okay? She may have been there for you, but if she won’t let you in you aren’t in control of that. You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved,” Clarke told her fiercely. Because, god, Clarke knew it. How many times had she done the same thing as Costia towards Octavia and Raven and her mother after her dad’s death? 

She felt Lexa nodding, trying to convince herself of Clarke’s words. When Lexa finally pulled away from Clarke, she wiped the tears off her face, and took a steadying deep breath. 

“Okay. Okay. I’m good. Do you want to go get coffee now?” Lexa asked, and Clarke had to laugh a little at the sheer determination on Lexa’s face. She almost looked like she was about to charge into battle, and it might have been the cutest thing Clarke had ever seen in her entire life. 

Clarke raised her eyebrows, “You sure? We could always just go back to the dorm-”

“Nope. We came to get coffee, and also I’m starving,” Lexa said, forcing a smile onto her face. 

“Alright,” Clarke said, taking Lexa’s hand and helping her up. They walked hand in hand the quarter mile to the on-campus coffee shop, Lexa’s head leaning against Clarke’s shoulder as they walked. They got their usual caramel coffees, as well as sandwiches and a huge brownie to split and sat down at a table in the corner. 

“Apparently talking about your emotional baggage makes you really hungry,” Lexa joked. 

Clarke laughed at her kind of morbid humor, just glad to see Lexa laughing, whether it was completely forced or not. 

“Same, I’m starving,” Clarke said. 

“So what’s your game plan for finals? We’ve got like a week left,” Lexa said. 

“Don’t remind me,” Clarke said, running a hand through her hair. “I know most of it I think… Guess I’m going to be doing a lot of cramming this week.”

“Same,” Lexa said. 

“Oh god, and I have to figure out what to do for winter break now that I guess my plans with Octavia and Raven are out the window,” Clarke said. She hadn’t even had time to think about that one. She’d been doing her best not to. “What are you doing for break?”

“I’m just going to go up to my sister’s apartment for the few weeks,” Lexa said, breaking eye contact. 

“Right.”

They ate their brownie on the walk back to their dorm, feeding some of it to the too-cute squirrels that followed anyone with food. 

As soon as they got back to their dorm room, Lexa practically fell into bed, exhausted, not even bothering to change into pajamas. 

“Thank you Clarke. You didn’t have to do what you did today. I know you don’t like Costia-”

 

“Hey, I did have to. Couldn’t let you be upset alone. And what I think about Costia doesn’t matter. As long as she starts treating you right, anyway” Clarke said, cutting her off. 

Lexa smiled, then hesitated, “And you know you can talk to me about anything too, right? If you ever wanted to talk about your dad...or anything else bothering you. Okay?” Lexa told her, thinking about everything Clarke didn’t remember telling her when she was drunk. 

“I...okay. Thanks Lexa,” Clarke said, giving her a sad smile. 

It was only eight, but Lexa was asleep within minutes. Clarke, however, didn’t fall asleep till long after midnight. 

It seemed both of their lives were a lot more complicated, messy and imperfect than they wanted to admit.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, remember when I said be posting twice a month? Um, sorry. Life got hectic, but here is chapter eight!

It was Wednesday of finals week, and Clarke had yet to confront Octavia and Raven about their winter break plans. They had planned to all go stay at Octavia’s house over break, and Clarke could now assume that she wasn’t invited, but there was still the problem that Clarke was supposed to be the one to drive them all there and back.   
  
She decided the easiest thing to do would be to just text Octavia. Clarke knew she always kept her read receipts on, so even if Octavia ignored her, Clarke would know if she had seen the message.   
  
In happier news, finals were actually going pretty well for her. She had already taken most of them and only had Biology and her Lit class left.   
  
“Hey Lex, when do you have to be at class?” Clarke asked, glancing up from her textbook.   
  
“Mm. Three,” Lexa answered, groggily looking up from her own textbook she had almost fallen asleep on.   
  
It was already 1:30, and Clarke hadn't gotten home from her 9 am class too long ago.  
“Clarke?”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“Do you mind if Costia comes over for a little bit before I go to class?” Lexa asked.   
  
“Sure, Lex. Are you two okay again?” Clarke asked hesitantly, sitting up to face Lexa.   
  
“I guess. We haven't really talked about it,” Lexa answered.   
  
“Anyway, assuming your plans with Octavia and Raven are cancelled, what are you going to do for break?” Lexa asked.   
  
Clarke shrugged, “Well I'm about one hundred percent certain those plans aren't happening, but honestly I have no idea…” her voice trailed off and she sighed.   
  
“Well,” Lexa started somewhat hesitantly, “you could always spend break with me and my sister if you want?” she suggested.   
  
“Oh, I wouldn't want to intrude,” Clarke said quickly. “I'm sure you're going to want to do stuff with Costia and I don't want to trouble your-”  
  
“No, Costia is spending break with her friends,” Lexa said flatly. “You wouldn't be troubling anyone, I promise. I'd be fun to have you over for break!”   
  
“Are you sure?” Clarke asked.   
  
“It'll be fine. I just have to tell Anya,” Lexa said.   
  
Clarke smiled, and honestly she was really glad to have her break plans out of the way. She probably could have gone home for break, but neither she nor her mother would have been very happy with that arrangement.   
  
“Okay, thanks Lexa,” Clarke said.   
  
They spent the next half hour in relative quiet, studying, until Costia came.   
  
Lexa got up to answer the door when Costia knocked.   
  
“Lexieee!” Costia said, drawing her name out and draping an arm around Lexa.   
  
Clarke looked up in alarm. She could smell the alcohol from all the way across the room.   
  
“Costia, are you drunk?” Lexa asked, subtly pushing Costia’s arm off of her.   
  
“Nooo, I just had a drink...or two. I'm just buzzed, Lexie,” Costia slurred.   
  
“Costia, I said I didn't want to be around you when you've been drinking,” Lexa said almost angrily.   
  
“I just stopped by to ask you something,” Costia said.   
  
“What?” Lexa asked tiredly.   
  
“I just wanted to know if you'd come with me for break?”  
  
“No, Costia. I told you I'm going home for break. Plus, I told Clarke she could come home with me for break since her plans got cancelled,” Lexa said. She was obviously frustrated. It was clearly not the first time they had had this argument, and it seemed to Clarke these types of arguments had been all too common between Lexa and Costia lately.   
  
Costia’s eyes narrowed. “What do you mean she's going home with you?” Costia asked, her voice going from dazedly drunk to a sharper, accusatory tone.   
  
“I told Clarke she could come home with me,” Lexa said slowly. “She's my friend and-”   
  
“Alice was right, you are cheating on me with her, aren't you?” Costia asked loudly.   
  
“God, Costia, no! I am not cheating on you!”   
  
Clarke was about three seconds from telling Costia off herself, no matter how much her gut was telling her to stay out of it.   
  
“Alice saw you two! She saw you two last week holding hands and hugging and-”  
  
Clarke didn't let her finish. In a second, she was standing between Lexa and Costia, telling the girl off.   
  
“First of all, Costia, if your girlfriend says she's not cheating on you, she's not fucking cheating on you! Especially since it’s Lexa we're talking about and she’s quite obviously in love with you.   
  
“Second of all, I was with Lexa last week comforting her cause your sorry ass was accusing her of cheating then too. All because she was scared for you and your drinking because she cares about you!   
  
“And thirdly,” Clarke was livid now, “if Lexa tells you she doesn't want to see you when you're drunk because it upsets her, don't you dare think you can come in here, to not only her dorm room, but MY dorm room, intoxicated, and think it's okay! Because you can't. And maybe this isn't my place to step in, but once you're disrespecting my friend, who's done nothing but love and care about you in my dorm room, in front of me, it's not okay,” Clarke practically yelled at her.  
  
It didn't matter that she was a good three to four inches shorter than Costia, because when Clarke meant business, you knew. And right then, Costia had taken several steps backwards, cowering away from Clarke.   
  
When she was finished, Clarke turned to Lexa, “I'm sorry for that, Lexa, but you deserve better,” Clarke told her. She walked over to her books, shoved them in her bag, and left the room, presumably to go to the library, Lexa figured.   
  
“Wow, Lexie...she's-”  
  
“Costia, I think we need to break up,” Lexa said, all in one breath. Clarke was right. She was right that Costia hadn't respected her wishes, she was right that Costia kept accusing her of cheating when she had been nothing but faithful, and she was right last week too. You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved. And you can't stay with someone just because you think you need to save them.   
  
“Wh-Why? Because of that bit-” Costia asked breathlessly.   
  
“No, Costia. Because she's right. I asked you to stop drinking so much and when you couldn't do that all I asked was that you weren't drunk around me, and you couldn't even do that!” Lexa took a breath, steadying herself. “And you keep accusing me of cheating on you and talking bad about Clarke! It's not going to work, Costia, no matter how much I care about you.”  
  
“Lexie, please,” Costia begged, her eyes wide and no longer glossy from the alcohol. She honestly looked heartbroken and maybe she was. But Lexa couldn't keep doing this, no matter how much it hurt Costia.   
  
“I think you should go,” Lexa whispered, looking away, tears rolling down her face.   
  
She didn't look up again until she heard Costia leave and the door close behind her.   
  
Lexa glanced at the time. It was already 2:45, and she needed to leave for class within the next five minutes if she wanted to be on time for her exam. She didn’t bother to fix her makeup, she just wiped it off and grabbed a bottle of tea and her backpack before leaving for class. 

* * *

  
Clarke didn’t go to the library. She planned to, but she found herself walking right past it. She didn’t stop until she came to the place she and Lexa always went for lunch. She walked in, ordered her usual, a large caramel coffee, and sat down at one of the tables in the corner.   
  
She knew she probably shouldn’t have gotten involved in Lexa’s love life, but if she had to see Lexa cry over Costia one more time, she was going to lose it. Lexa didn’t deserve to be treated like a second thought, like her opinions didn’t matter, and Clarke did not appreciate Costia using her as a way to hurt Lexa. It just wasn’t going to happen.   
  
She didn’t regret what she said, though, and she meant every word. Whatever happened between Lexa and Costia was between them, but someone needed to call Costia out, and Lexa hadn’t been able to do it. It wasn’t that Clarke thought Lexa couldn’t fight her own battles--she knew Lexa could. She had seen Lexa stand her ground and fight back and stand up for herself and others. She was fierce. Clarke just didn’t think she had it in her to do that to someone she loved.   
  
Clarke finished her coffee, giving herself some time to cool down and then headed back to her dorm. It was 3:30, so she knew Lexa would be at her exam by now. Clarke just hoped she was okay. She may not have regretted what she said to Costia, but it was pretty bitchy to just leave.   
  
When she got back to her dorm, she settled on her bed again to finish studying for her next exam. Then she decided to send a text to Lexa to make sure she was alright. She sent the message, then turned her attention back to her books as she waited for Lexa to get back.

* * *

  
Sitting through her exam was hell. Luckily, Lexa had studied pretty hard for that test, so she didn’t think her distracted state affected her grade too much. The two hours she had to sit there, however, didn’t do her any good. All she managed to do was overthink the day, or the last few weeks really.   
  
When her exam let out, Lexa turned her phone on, only to see a message from Clarke.   
_“C: I’m back home. Are you alright? Hope your exam goes well:)xxx”_ it said. Lexa smiled.   
  
She didn’t get home until 5:30 because she went to go get her and Clarke chai tea lattes, knowing the next couple of hours were going to be rough.   
  
“Hey, Lex, you’re back!” Clarke said when Lexa walked through the door.   
  
“Yeah-”  
  
“Hey, I’m sorry for getting into your business earlier. I know it wasn’t my place, I just couldn’t stand her hurting you like that-”   
  
“Clarke, it’s fine,” Lexa cut her off and handed her the tea. “It’s fine. You were right. I broke up with her.”  
  
“You-you what? I didn’t mean to… make you do anything you didn’t plan to on your own…” Clarke said guiltily.   
  
“No. I chose to. You were right. It wasn’t going to work. It hasn’t worked in a long time,” Lexa said softly, throwing her backpack on to her bed.   
  
“Oh, Lex… I’m so sorry,” Clarke said, setting her tea down and moving to hug Lexa. Lexa could feel herself start to cry as Clarke hugged her, but she quickly pushed it away. She had cried enough in Clarke’s arms lately.   
  
“So, what do you want to do? Eat ice cream, talk, cry, what?” Clarke asked Lexa once the hug ended.   
  
Lexa laughed, and Clarke felt her heart soar a little, seeing the smile on the other girl’s face.   
  
“Don’t you have an exam to study for?” Lexa asked.   
  
Clarke shook her head. “Nope, I’m good. All ready for the exam.”  
  
“You sure?” Lexa asked. Clarke nodded.   
  
“How about Oreos and Netflix then?” Lexa asked.   
  
“Of course,” Clarke smiled, grabbing the Oreos off the shelf while Lexa got her laptop. The girls changed into pajamas before climbing into Lexa’s bed with the laptop, each of them with their tea, passing the Oreos back and forth.   
  
Around ten, Clarke turned the laptop off and sat it on the bedside table, but she didn’t move to get up. She just snuggled next to Lexa. “Are you really okay? We can talk about it if you want?” Clarke whispered.   
  
“I’m okay,” Lexa whispered back. They were quiet for a minute before Clarke spoke.   
  
“Octavia texted me back while you were in class. They found someone else to drive them.”  
  
“Are they still mad?” Lexa asked.   
  
“I guess. Neither of them will talk to me.”  
  
“You’re still going to come home with me for break, right? After what Costia said…” Lexa asked.  
  
“As long as you still want me to, I’d love to,” Clarke replied.   
  
“I do,” she answered. Clarke smiled, even though she knew Lexa couldn’t see it.   
  
“Good.”  
  
They fell asleep not long after that. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyy it's been a while but here's the next chapter. Hopefully I can get chapter 10 out sometime soon too. Sorry I'm so inconsistent guys but thanks for all of you that are still here :)

Neither Lexa nor Clarke had an exam after two o’clock on Friday, so they spent the afternoon packing and hauling their stuff to their respective cars. 

By five they were ready to leave. 

“Okay, so you have the directions, right?” Lexa asked. 

“Yep, plugged into my phone. And I’ll be following you,” Clarke replied. “And your sister is okay with me coming, right?”

“She’ll be fine with it,” Lexa responded breezily. 

“You haven’t told her yet?” Clarke asked. 

“No, she hasn’t called me back yet. But it’s fine, Clarke. I promise,” Lexa said, smirking. “I’m allowed to bring whoever I want home.” 

Clarke laughed, “Okay, good.” They got into their cars and Clarke followed Lexa to her sister’s apartment. The drive was about half an hour long. The apartment building was extremely nice, Clarke noticed.

“We’re here,” Lexa said, once she and Clarke got out of their respective cars. “You can leave all your stuff in the car, it’ll be fine. Just grab your duffel,” Lexa told her. 

Clarke nodded. For some reason there was a tension between them that there wasn’t before, and she was nervous. She didn’t know why, she was only hanging out with Lexa for break, just like she’d been doing for months now. But she had butterflies in the pit of her stomach anyway. 

Maybe Lexa could tell Clarke was nervous, because she took Clarke’s hand, smiling at her as they walked in. Clarke held Lexa’s bag as Lexa unlocked the apartment and let them in. 

 

“Anya will probably be home in half an hour, so we can unpack until then,” Lexa told her. “We’re going to have to share my bedroom, or one of us can take the couch, but you can put all of your things in my room.” 

“Awesome,” Clarke said, smiling. Just like the outside of the building, the apartment itself was really nice too. The girls put their bags in Lexa’s room, which was about the extent of their unpacking, instead choosing to sit on the couch and watch TV. 

“Oh my gosh so many channels, I haven’t had this in months,” Lexa joked. 

Clarke laughed, “Honestly. Damn college.”

“And you know we’re just going to end up watching Netflix anyway,” Lexa said.

“Obviously.”

“There isn’t even anything on,” Lexa said, scrolling through the channels, leaning up against Clarke. 

“That’s cable for you,” Clarke replied as Lexa signed into her Netflix account. 

They only got about ten minutes into the next episode of Friends before the door opened. 

“Lexa?” Anya called from the door, holding it open with one foot as she tried to get her armfuls of groceries in the door. Lexa jumped up to help her, taking a few bags from her and putting them on the kitchen counter. Clarke awkwardly stood up and walked out towards the kitchen.

“Anya, this is Clarke,” Lexa told her. 

“Clarke? Hello, I’m Anya,” Anya said politely. 

“Hi, I’m Lexa’s roommate,” Clarke told her. She was nervous. She didn’t know why, it was only Lexa’s sister, but Clarke was nervous. Anya nodded. 

“What happened to Costia coming?” Anya asked Lexa, not rudely, just rather confused. “Not that I’m not glad that you’re here, Clarke,” she added quickly. 

“Um, well Costia bailed on me at a party earlier this month, and we were fighting and then we broke up so…” Lexa explained, not quite meeting Anya’s eyes. 

“Aw, kid, I’m sorry,” Anya moved to give Lexa a hug, but Lexa brushed her off. 

“It’s fine. Anyway, this is Clarke. She’s my roommate, like she said, and I told her that she could spend break with us because her plans got canceled,” Lexa said, pulling Clarke over by the hand to where she and Anya were. 

“Awesome, so do you two want to go out for dinner?” Anya asked. 

“Sure,” Lexa said. “Is that good with you Clarke?” 

“Yeah, of course,” Clarke said, smiling. She was more comfortable knowing that Anya was okay with her being there, but she could still feel a tug in the pit of her stomach. 

“Where should we go, though?” Lexa asked. They discussed dinner for a few moments before Anya suggested the Grounders restaurant nearby. 

“I’ve never heard of it before,” Clarke said. 

Lexa gasped dramatically, “What? That’s, like, blasphemy!” 

Clarke laughed, “Sorry?”

“Well I guess we have to go now,” Anya said, smirking. 

“Yeah Clarke, I have to introduce you to the pure heaven that is Grounders Cafe,” Lexa said. 

“Okay,” Clarke said, laughing. “Sounds good.”

The girls got changed and waited for Anya to be ready to leave. 

The ride was short, but Lexa sat in the back with Clarke, earning raised eyebrows from Anya, which she pointedly ignored and hoped Clarke didn't notice. 

 

“So this is it,” Anya said as they pulled into the parking lot. 

“We used to come here a lot before our parents died,” Lexa told Clarke softly as they got out of the car. “We haven’t came nearly as much since.”

Lexa glanced away, so Clarke took Lexa’s hand in hers and squeezed it, reassuring her that she was there. But neither of them let go until they were seated at their table, Anya sitting across from them.

“So, Lexa. You haven’t called me every week like you claimed you would. How has the year gone?” Anya asked, raising her eyebrows at the girls.

Lexa giggled, “Well it’s been a… busy semester.”

“To put it lightly,” Clarke added. Lexa nodded in agreement. 

“So how have your classes been?” Anya asked, to which Lexa started explaining all of her classes, and Clarke hers. 

They talked about everything that happened during the semester as well, including Clarke’s alcohol incident and Lexa and Costia’s relationship and eventual breakup. 

“Yeah, so then Costia had the audacity to come to our room drunk and accuse me of cheating on her with Clarke while Clarke was in the room. Then Clarke yelled at her and I broke up with her,” Lexa finished the story and Anya’s eyes were wide. 

“That’s...that’s… wow, Lex,” Anya said, raising her eyebrows. 

“Yeah,” Lexa said, and Clarke nodded in agreement. 

“When I was in my freshman year of college, my biggest worries were my grades,” Anya said with a laugh. 

“Oh, we had those to worry about too, almost forgot,” Clarke quipped, and Lexa and Anya both laughed. 

“Well I’m glad you two have had each other all year,” Anya said to the girls. 

“Yeah, you’ve been a lifeline for me, Lex,” Clarke said. 

“And you’ve stuck up for me all year through all my relationship issues. I think we’re pretty even,” Lexa replied with a soft smile, cuing more raised eyebrows from Anya that Lexa did her best to ignore. 

Dinner was fun as Clarke and Anya got to know each other. To Lexa's relief, they seemed to get along well, which was something that didn't always happen with Costia and Anya. Anya wasn't Costia's biggest fan, and was always the one to call her out, just like Clarke had. Nevertheless, Lexa was glad they got along. It was important to her that they did, and she couldn’t be bothered to ask herself why. 

When they got back to the apartment, they decided on a movie night to celebrate the first day of no school. Anya got the junk food out and sat down on the couch next to Clarke and Lexa. Anya only made it through the first movie before she opted out to go to bed because she had to work in the morning.

“What should we watch next?” Clarke asked Lexa at nearly three in the morning. 

“I dunno,” Lexa mumbled sleepily, nuzzling her face into Clarke’s side, not noticing when Clarke tensed up. “Let’s just go to sleep.”

“Do you wanna, like, move and get ready for bed?” Clarke asked. 

“No. You’re comfy,” Lexa mumbled back, not moving away from Clarke. Lexa always fell asleep before Clarke did, and she had a habit of rolling in her sleep. 

 

Clarke couldn’t help but smile at how adorable Lexa got when she was tired, and just moved into a more comfortable position without disturbing Lexa and went to sleep. 

 

During the day, Anya almost always had to work, so Lexa and Clarke had the whole apartment to themselves. Not that they actually did much, of course. They slept late, ate junk food that Anya told them wasn’t healthy, and sometimes went to the park down the street. It was every college student’s dream Christmas break. 

Most nights ended like that first one, with TV until the late hours of the morning, and sleeping together on the couch. 

When Christmas eve finally rolled around, Clarke and Lexa were in their usual spot on the couch, practically on top of one another, this time watching A Christmas Story. 

“God I love this movie. We always used to watch it when I was a kid,” Clarke said. 

“We always used to watch White Christmas,” Lexa replied. 

“Well then we’ll watch that next, and then Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer or Frosty. One of the old animated ones,” Clarke said excitedly. 

Lexa laughed at her, and Clarke’s smile grew wider, seeing how brilliantly green Lexa’s eyes were when she laughed. 

“Of course, Clarke,” Lexa replied through her giggles. 

By the time Frosty the Snowman was actually put on, it was nearly one in the morning, and the two girls were laying next to each other on the too-small-for-two-people couch, like always. Lexa was half asleep with Clarke’s arms around her waist when she turned over onto her side so that her and Clarke’s faces were mere centimeters apart. Clarke’s eyes widened. Lexa was so close that she could feel her breath on her face. 

“L-Lex,” Clarke managed to choke out, her throat dry. 

Lexa murmured something, and only gripped Clarke tighter. 

“Lexa,” Clarke said a little louder this time. 

“Wha-?” Lexa opened her eyes only to realize seconds later how close her and Clarke’s faces were. Clarke saw Lexa’s eyes dart to her lips and meet her eyes again and Lexa was not oblivious to how dilated Clarke’s eyes were. So instead of moving or thinking like she might have at any other moment, she leaned in. 

Lexa met Clarke’s lips, kissing her slowly at first. Clarke’s chest felt like it was going to explode and she kicked the blanket away, shifting her body so that she was on top of Lexa, her knees digging into the couch, pressing Lexa up against the armrest. Her hand were in Lexa’s hair, and Lexa’s were around her shoulders, pulling Clarke closer to her. Lexa’s lips were soft against Clarke’s and only left Clarke’s when their breathing was too ragged to continue. 

“Lexa?” Clarke asked finally, looking up to meet her eyes. 

“Yeah?” 

“I don't want this to be just because you and Costia broke up and I don't want you to think I’m just-”

“Shh, Clarke. This has nothing to do with Costia. I think you know that.”

“I really like you, Lex,” Clarke whispered, her blue eyes wide and vulnerable in a way that Lexa had never seen from Clarke before. 

“I really like you too, Clarke,” Lexa said just as softly, pressing a soft kiss to Clarke’s cheek. 

Clarke smiled and pulled Lexa to lay back down with her, hoping to god that this was something that would last and not something Lexa would regret in the morning.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Almost finished with chapter 11 (which has been sitting in my notebook since August--sorry!) I'd love to be able to tell you how many more chapters until we wrap this up, but I honestly don't know. This is already longer than I originally intended lol. As always, a big thanks to my beta:) Anyway, hope you enjoy!

As it turned out, the change in Clarke and Lexa’s relationship didn’t actually change much. They still spent the rest of break watching Netflix on the couch and cuddling. 

It was only when Anya came home to them lying on the couch, hands intertwined and Lexa’s head on Clarke’s chest that she noticed anything out of the ordinary. 

“Hey Lex, can you come here for a minute?” Anya asked, walking towards her room. 

“Ugh, okay,” Lexa said, slowly pulling herself off of Clarke. 

“Yeah?” Lexa asked Anya, once they were in the bedroom.

“Kid, not that I don’t like Clarke and all, but aren’t you two awfully close for friends? I know you and Costia just broke up and you probably want someone-” 

“Anya, Clarke and I are dating,” Lexa said quickly, cutting Anya off. 

“Lexa, you just broke up with Costia and no matter how much I didn’t like her, you did,” Anya said, choosing her words carefully. “And I know you want someone to fill that hole and I do like Clarke, but I don’t think you should be rushing into a new relationship like this.”

Lexa sighed, “Costia and I haven’t really been together like a couple should be in a long time, Anya. I’m not just filling a hole that breaking up with Costia left in me. Costia started making that hole long before we broke up and Clarke started filling it long before I kissed her. She’s been there for me all year and I for her.”

“And I respect that, I do. And I am very grateful that you and Clarke have been there for each other and I really do like her. But Lex, it's been like two weeks. Do you really think two weeks is enough time to move on and make the decision that you're ready to be in a new relationship?” Anya asked.

“I do,” Lexa said stubbornly. “I'm not a little kid. I can make my own decisions about my love life, Anya.”

“I know, Lex. I know you can. I'm just trying to look out for you. And I do hope you two work out because I like Clarke,” Anya said with a smile. 

Lexa smiled too, “So you approve?” 

“As long as you're happy, I'm happy. I just want you to make the best decisions for yourself,” Anya said, still hesitantly, but she nodded anyway. 

“Thanks sis,” Lexa said, moving to hug her sister. 

“Any time,” Anya replied. 

“What was that about?” Clarke asked when she got back out to the living room. 

Lexa sat down next to Clarke, snuggling into her side. “Nothing. Anya was just concerned with how quickly I am moving on from Costia,” she said, not looking at Clarke. 

Clarke fidgeted a little, and she could feel her heart sink some. “Do you think… maybe she’s right?” Clarke asked. 

Lexa bolted upright and looked at Clarke, “What do you mean?”

“I mean… look, Lex, I really like you. A lot. And I know you already said I wasn’t, but I really don’t want to just be a rebound,” Clarke said, taking in a quick breath and wincing, seemingly at her own words. 

“You’re not,” Lexa said, frowning, sounding a tad offended, then she softened her tone after seeing the look on Clarke’s face. Lexa gently took Clarke's face in her hands and pulled them close. "Clarke, you're the furthest thing from 'just a rebound.' You know Costia and I started falling apart long before I even met you. That's in the past. You're the one who's been here for me. You're the one I've enjoyed college with and studied with and had late night Netflix marathons with. You're the one I want Clarke," Lexa said, her green eyes looking vulnerably into Clarke's blue ones. 

Clarke leaned the rest of the way into Lexa, kissing her, softly at first and then harder, moving so that she was on top of Lexa, pressing her against the couch. 

Lexa looked up at Clarke as Clarke pulled away, a goofy grin spreading across her face. 

The last day of vacation came quicker than either girl wanted or expected and before they knew it, it was moving day. 

This time Anya came and helped both girls unload their cars, back into their dorm room. They set up the fairy lights and mini fridge, organizing all of their things in coordination with each other this time so that everything was put away better than it had been originally. Clarke stuck her box of sheets and blankets on her bed, but didn't bother making it-both girls were quite aware that they would be sharing Lexa’s bed that night. 

“What do you want to do for dinner?” Clarke asked Lexa later that night. 

Lexa shrugged. “We can just get Wawa?” she suggested. 

Clarke nodded in agreement so they got ready and Lexa grabbed Clarke’s hand as Clarke shut the door to their dorm. 

The walk to Wawa took about 20 minutes and once the girls got their food and coffee they settled down to eat it at the nearby picnic tables. 

“It feels so weird that we’re already halfway through our first year of college,” Lexa said to Clarke. 

Clarke nodded, “and it's kind of crazy how things have turned out differently than how I thought they would.”

“Yeah, things have not gone quite how I expected them to,” Lexa agreed. 

“And it definitely wasn't all bad,” Clarke added, smiling at Lexa. Lexa blushed a little, ducking her face to her coffee cup and taking a sip to avoid letting Clarke see how red she had become and how big her smile was. Not that it mattered, of course. All the reaction served to do was make Clarke’s own smile grow bigger.

Clarke took Lexa’s hand as they got up to leave, and when they got home that night they spent it in each other's arms, relishing in the last night they had together before school would inevitably limit their time together.

The next morning Lexa woke up before their alarm clock. Luckily, neither girl had classes until 9:30 am, so Lexa took the opportunity to walk down to the coffee shop and get she and Clarke’s coffees and breakfast. She got Clarke a cinnamon raisin bagel and a caramel coffee. As for herself, an everything bagel and a regular coffee-one cream, one sugar. The coffee shop was busier than usual, the first day back to school drawing more students out to actually get breakfast then by mid-semester when everyone decided food wasn't a necessity until lunch if it meant 20 extra minutes of sleep in the morning. 

Today, the barista took a little longer than usual to prepare Lexa’s drinks because of the crowd. Lexa recognized some of the other students there from one place or another on campus, but no one that she was really friends with; until her eyes landed on Octavia, sitting by the window. Not that she was really ever Lexa’s friend, and she especially wasn't now that Clarke, Octavia and Raven weren’t talking. Lexa averted her gaze, trying to avoid an awkward encounter, but Octavia had seen her and was making her way over to where Lexa was standing. 

“Hey,” Octavia said brightly.

“Hi Octavia,” Lexa replied politely, desperately wishing her coffees would be ready soon. 

“It’s been a while,” Octavia said. 

Lexa nodded. 

Octavia’s smile faltered at Lexa’s apparent lack of interest in the conversation. She looked like she was going to say something else, dumb smile still plastered to her face, but changed her mind, instead dropping her cheerful act. 

“So, how was your winter break?” Octavia asked. 

“Good. Clarke came home with me to my sister’s apartment,” Lexa said pointedly. “How was yours?” 

“Uh, it was okay,” Octavia replied noncommittally. “So, how have you and Clarke been?” 

Lexa pursed her lips. “Good.” She didn’t mention her and Clarke’s relationship. 

Octavia shifted uncomfortably. “Look, I’m sorry I haven’t, you know, talked to you guys in a while-”

“I’m not the one who needs an apology, Octavia,” Lexa cut her off. 

“Right. Well...well, can you ask Clarke if she wants to meet me for coffee sometime?” 

“She needs to hear it from you,” Lexa replied. “I...I’ll tell her you asked about her though,” she relented after seeing the look on Octavia’s face. 

“Thank you Lexa,” Octavia said, just as the barista called out “Lexa!”

“I’ll see you around,” Lexa said, excusing herself from the conversation to go pick up her and Clarke’s coffee and breakfast. 

Lexa made her way back to her dorm room, trying not to drink her whole coffee on the walk back. 

“Hey,” Clarke said cheerily when Lexa opened the dorm door, “You got breakfast, oh my god Lexa, you’re my favorite.”

Lexa smiled, handing over Clarke’s coffee and putting the bag down on her desk so that she could pull out her and Clarke’s food. 

“So,” Lexa started, as she and Clarke sat on Lexa’s bed with their food. 

“So?” Clarke asked. 

“I saw Octavia this morning while I was getting our food,” Lexa said. 

“Oh?” Clarke asked, attempting, and failing, to keep her face impassive. 

“Yeah. She asked how you were. And she asked me to ask you if you wanted to meet her for coffee,” Lexa said. Clarke didn’t reply, instead leaving the statement up on the air. 

“I told her she has to ask you herself,” Lexa added. 

Clarke nodded. “Good. She doesn’t need to make you the messenger.” Clarke picked at her bagel, but didn't eat it; her appetite having vanished with Lexa’s story. 

Their morning was quiet after that, but by the time they got home from their classes, piles of homework to boot, Clarke had gotten her text from Octavia, asking her to go get coffee. 

“I don’t know what to do, Lex,” Clarke said, “I just don’t know. We’ve been friends since we were six, and it just...ended. And now O wants to go get coffee but I don’t know if Raven will ever even talk to me again…” her voice trailed off helplessly. Clarke was lying on Lexa’s bed. Staring at the ceiling, while Lexa was sitting at her desk, homework covering the whole surface. Lexa got up and sat down next to her, and Clarke buried her face in Lexa’s side. 

“Clarke…” Lexa sighed, running her her hand through Clarke’s messy but soft blonde and pink hair. “Yeah, that sucks. And of course you don’t have to go, but it sounds like she wants so patch things up,” Lexa said softly. 

“Yeah,” Clarke said. “It’s just hard,” her voice cracked, and Lexa’s heart broke for her. 

“Yeah. But you have a chance to fix it now. And I’m sure Octavia will tell you about how Raven’s doing too,” Lexa said. 

Clarke nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, okay. Okay, we should get started on our homework now,” she said, but she didn't move to get up. 

Lexa smiled, and kissed the top of Clarke’s head. She waited a minute, just to see if Clarke would actually get up, and when she didn’t Lexa laughed, and disentangled Clarke from her, moving to sit back at her desk.

“If you want to do homework you have to actually get up, you know,” Lexa said with a smirk.

“I know,” Clarke whined, stretching across Lexa’s bed before forcing her body to move. She pulled her own books out and sat down at her desk.   
“Here’s to semester two,” Clarke said, eyeing all of the work they both had to do. 

Lexa laughed, “Hear, hear to that.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey friends! Chapter eleven is here finally! Working on chapter 12 now so hopefully I'll be able to bust out at least another chapter or two this month. Um, so I'm thinkinggg I'll be able to wrap this up by chapter 14/15, if all goes to plan. Anyway, hope you enjoy, and as always a big thanks to my beta:)

Clarke had ended up texting Octavia two days later and they had tentatively scheduled coffee for the following week, which was now today and Clarke was more anxious than she had been in months. 

“Clarke, calm down. It will be fine,” Lexa eventually said, cutting off Clarke’s incessant babble about nothing and everything that hadn’t stopped since Clarke had gotten back from her last class of the day.

Clarke stopped talking mid-sentence. “Sorry,” she said mindlessly.

Eventually, it was time and she was about to leave when Lexa softly took her hand. 

“Yeah?” Clarke asked, confused. 

Lexa didn’t respond but pressed her mouth hotly against Clarke’s, breathlessly kissing her as Clarke tangled her hands in Lexa’s hair. Lexa could feel Clarke relaxing, her body melting against Lexa’s. She could practically feel the anxiety leave Clarke’s body as Lexa trailed kisses down Clarke’s neck all the way down to where Clarke’s shirt covered her chest. 

Lexa pulled away and kissed Clarke once more, chastely on the lips. “You’ll be fine,” Lexa whispered, smiling. 

Clarke giggled, nuzzling against Lexa. “I’ll have to remember that trick for you come exam season,” Clarke said, her voice scratchy. 

Lexa smiled, “I definitely won’t be studying if you’re entertaining me instead of studying.”

Clarke giggled again. “Okay, I really have to go now.” 

“I know. Have fun,” Lexa said, stepping away from Clarke and opening the door to her left.

“Doubtful,” Clarke replied, but she’s still smiling so Lexa’s not worried. 

Clarke smiled all the way from her dorm until she made her way to the cafe that she agreed to meet Octavia in. The smile dropped quickly off her face once she walked in and saw Octavia sitting, waiting for her. 

“Hey,” Clarke said, sitting down across from Octavia. 

“Hey. Caramel coffee,” Octavia said, pushing a coffee towards her.

“Thanks,” Clarke replied. It felt strange being here with Octavia, having her still know Clarke’s coffee order like it was nothing after so much time had passed. Logically, she knew it hadn’t been that long in the grand scheme of things. It had only been two months, but it had felt like a lot longer and it was a long time to hold on to the hope of fixing things. Generally, once someone had been mad for that long, there wasn’t any fixing it. And if you could, things would never be the same.

Clarke knew all this, yet here she was, and so was Octavia, she reminded herself. 

“So, how was your break?” Octavia asked in an attempt to break the tension between them, as if she and Raven hadn’t excluded Clarke from plans they made months ago. 

“Uh, good. I went home with Lexa for Christmas,” Clarke smiled despite herself. “What about you and Raven?”

“Oh, yeah it was good,” Octavia replied. “You know, me and Rae went home to Bell’s apartment.” She had the sense to look a little guilty that she brought up the subject, seemingly remembering the circumstance of their respective breaks. 

“Right,” Clarke said. She glanced away, feeling her stomach lurch. Coffee suddenly seemed like it wasn’t such a great idea anymore. 

Octavia cleared her throat embarrassedly. “So… you went home with Lexa? How was that? How is she?” Octavia prompted. 

“Fine. I mean, she’s good. I met her sister, Anya, when we went home. She’s really nice. Watched a lot of Netflix, you know,” Clarke said. “We, uh, Lexa and I are actually… dating,” Clarke added hesitantly.

She wasn’t sure she wanted to share that bit of information with Octavia. She wasn’t sure what she trusted Octavia with or where the line was still drawn and where they could talk freely. She was upset, they both were, and things were tense. It hurt, too, because before all this Clarke would have told Octavia anything, without reservation. 

She told Octavia anyway, though, because quite honestly she was bursting to tell someone. There hadn’t been anyone to turn to in excitement the moment it had happened, and that had been a difficult pill to swallow. 

Octavia’s eyes lit up with excitement, “Oh my gosh Clarke, that’s great! When-how-I mean you did say she was pretty at the start of the semester- but what about Costia?” Octavia asked, a stream of excited ramblings spilling out, completely forgetting about the fact that she was supposed to be mad at Clarke. 

Clarke raised her eyebrows at Octavia, and where she thought she would feel relief, she felt only annoyance and anger. 

“It’s kind of a long story, Octavia,” Clarke said. It felt jarring to say Octavia’s full name to her rather than her nickname as Clarke would usually do. Clarke could tell Octavia noticed the difference as well. Her smile dropped and she drew back from Clarke again, wincing a little. 

“Oh, yeah, sure,” Octavia replied. 

The silence that followed was tense- neither girl knew quite what to say to continue their small talk or address the elephant in the room. Clarke sipped from her coffee, avoiding Octavia’s eyes. 

“So. Um, anyway,” Octavia said, “I guess we should actually talk about… everything.” 

“I guess we should,” Clarke replied. “Are you guys still pissed off?” 

Octavia hesitated, choosing her words carefully. “I mean… no. I’m not. Raven is still a little… well, you know Raven. She’s not mad so much as… she wishes that you had a reason. She felt betrayed.” 

Clarke sighed. “I don’t know what you want me to say. I’ve apologized, I tried to talk to you guys about it and you ignored me and then didn’t answer my texts about break until the very last minute. I get that Rae’s mad, I get that I fucked up, and I’m not making excuses, but I was very, very drunk. I don’t even remember it! 

“And you had Lexa come pick me up and she ended up having to take me to the hospital I was so drunk. I just don’t know, Octavia! I don’t know! I doubt I even knew it was Finn! Raven should know I would never intentionally hurt her. And you didn’t talk to me for months, didn’t even… I don’t know what to say. I wish I had a better reason, but I don’t,” Clarke finished. 

Octavia looked stunned, “You were hospitalized?”

“Wh-yeah. I almost had alcohol poisoning. Lexa brought me to the hospital after I started throwing up and shivering and stuff,” Clarke said. 

“We-I didn’t know,” Octavia said softly. 

“Yeah. I know. That’s what happens when you don’t talk to your best friend of 12 years for two months,” Clarke retorted, trying to sound angry, but her voice cracked as she spoke, and she just sounded small and defeated. 

There were tears in both girls’ eyes. They were both hurt, and they both had good reasons to be. The question that hung in the air was if they would be able to move past it. In that moment, neither girl knew for sure. 

Clarke took a steadying breath, “Look, O. I don’t want to fight anymore. I’ve said my piece. You’ve heard my explanations and my apologies.”

Octavia sighed, “I don’t want to fight anymore either… and I wanted to apologise as well. For cutting you off and indulging in Rae’s moping for so long and not even giving you a fair chance to explain. I was trying to be there for her and I neglected the fact that I’ve known and loved you just as long and I should have sucked it up and got Raven to suck it up and talk this thing through a long time ago, whatever the outcome was to be,” Octavia admitted quietly. 

Clarke looked shocked at the apology and most of her anger faded. “I...it’s fine.” 

“I’ll talk to Raven,” Octavia said, determinedly. “And then the four of us, me, you, Rae, and Lexa if you want, can go out for dinner or something?”

“Yeah, sure. Text me,” Clarke said with a tentative smile, “but I really need to be getting back.” 

“Me too,” Octavia agreed. The girls walked back to their respective dorms together, parting when Octavia had to continue to her own room. 

 

Clarke entered her dorm room and immediately wrapped her arms around Lexa, who was sitting at her desk doing homework. 

“Oh hello,” Lexa smiled, turning to look at Clarke. “How’d it go?”

“A lot of almost-yelling at first but I think things are going to be okay,” Clarke responded, burying her face into Lexa’s shoulder and attempting to swallow the lump in her throat. 

“I mean, that’s good, right?” Lexa asked. 

“Yeah,” Clarke replied with a smile. “Octavia is going to talk to Raven and hopefully the four of us can go to dinner or something sometime soon?” 

“Sounds good,” Lexa said. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

 

“It’s just… I don’t know. I thought I’d be happier that everything is working out, I just… still feel so hurt I guess, that one mistake can put twelve years of friendship down the drain so quickly for so long. I mean, I want everything to work, I really do. I’m just...not all the way there yet,” Clarke admitted, her blue eyes sparkling with tears and confusion. 

“Clarke, you don’t have to go to dinner with them if you’re still upset or not comfortable,” Lexa reminded her. 

“I know, I know. It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just… it’s weird,” Clarke said, unable to find the words to explain how she was feeling. 

Lexa nodded in understanding. “Don’t worry about it, Clarke. I’m sure everything will be fine. Besides, we have the start of term to actually worry about,” Lexa grinned.

Clarke cracked a half smile at that. There’s nothing better than jokes about how shitty college is to make a college student forget about whatever their current problem is. Clarke kissed Lexa on the forehead and Lexa pulled her into a hug. 

“You’re the best,” Clarke murmured. 

Lexa chuckled and pulled away a bit. “So are you, Clarke. However, as great as you are, I do have a paper to write.”

“Already?” Clarke pouted. 

“Already,” Lexa confirmed, laughing at the look on Clarke’s face. “I’m sure you have plenty of homework to do yourself though.”

“Maybe,” Clarke agreed. 

Lexa laughed and kissed Clarke’s cheek before completely disentangling herself from her girlfriend. 

“Fucking homework,” Clarke muttered to herself after a few minutes of glancing through her work, just loud enough for Lexa to hear, and Lexa laughed. They continued in relative quiet, only going to bed when Clarke had to wake up Lexa, who had fallen asleep on her textbook. 

“Baby, wake up,” Clarke whispered, gently shaking Lexa’s shoulder. 

“Wh-what?” Lexa asked drearily. 

“Time for bed,” Clarke whispered, helping Lexa to her bed without bothering to make her change, considering she was wearing lazy clothes already. 

“G’night,” Lexa mumbled as Clarke shut off the lights and laid down beside Lexa.   
“Good night Lex.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right so didn’t get as much done over break as I hoped, but here is chapter 12. Enjoy!

“Okay, that’s it. Things have been way too stressful lately. Tonight we’re going on a date,” Clarke told Lexa as they got ready one morning. 

“We go on dates all the time,” Lexa said with a smile. 

“Well, yeah. But tonight we’re going to go on a proper date. After class is over we can get dressed and then I’m taking you out,” Clarke said, determinedly. 

Lexa laughed, “Alright, sounds like a plan.”

The girls walked together on their way to class until they had to split up to go to their respective buildings. Today was one of the days where none of the times of their classes matched up, so they couldn’t even catch lunch together between classes. 

Clarke found herself unable to focus in class, instead daydreaming about her plans for later that night. School had picked back up again to full steam fairly quickly and all the girls were loaded with work, so dinner with Octavia and Raven had yet to happen. 

Lexa’s last class of the day was a new class that she had gotten second semester and just so happened to share with Costia. Luckily, it was a large lecture hall, so Lexa had managed to avoid her so far, but that was not the case today. Lexa was running a little late to class and wasn’t able to avoid Costia seeing her. 

“Lexa, come sit over here,” Costia called out, her usual cheery self. 

Lexa tentatively walked over to her ex-girlfriend, unsure of whether Costia was being genuine or not. 

“Hey Costia,” Lexa said, offering her a half smile. 

“Hey Lexie, how was your break?” Costia asked her. 

“Um, it was pretty good. You?” Lexa asked. She couldn’t tell if Costia was completely sober or not, but she couldn’t smell the alcohol on her for once, so Lexa figured that was a plus.

“It was okay,” Costia shrugged, before hesitantly starting to speak again. “Hey, look. I know I’ve been kind of a mess lately and I haven’t been treating you the way I should, and I’m sorry Lexie. I just want you to give me another chance. Please?”

Lexa just stared at her, mouth opened in shock. “Costia… I’m dating Clarke,” Lexa said because she couldn’t think of anything else to say. 

Costia’s demeanor shifted in an instant. Where Lexa thought she could see a piece of who Costia once was, the person she had been lately quickly took over again. 

“What do you mean you’re dating Clarke? We just broke up Lexie! What the hell? So you were cheating on me?” Costia accused, her voice just loud enough to cause people to stare at them.

“Of course I wasn’t cheating on you, Costia! God, class is about to start. I’m not having this conversation with you right now,” Lexa said firmly. 

“No, seriously Lexa, what makes Clarke so much better than me?” Costia challenged her. 

“Well for one, she doesn’t get drunk all the fucking time around me like you did, she doesn’t abandon me places-”

“Well she sure seemed pretty drunk and abandoned you at that party I was at! And she sure didn’t stop that frat boy when he started making out with her. Caused quite a scene, didn’t they? And I heard you had to come pick her up too, right? So really, what’s the difference between us Lexie?” Costia asked with a cruelty Lexa could see even in her eyes. 

It was disconcerting for Lexa to see such an openly malicious look on Costia’s face. She had seen it before, of course, especially during the last weeks of their relationship. But right now, the way Costia was looking at her made her feel almost sad. How could someone who had once loved her so fiercely look at her the way she was now? 

“That happened once, Costia, and Clarke wasn’t my girlfriend. She didn’t have an obligation to stick with me then,” Lexa said slowly before the rest of Costia’s words caught up to her. “And did you say the frat boy started making out with her?”

“Yeah, I saw it all happen when I went to get another drink. Didn’t he have a girlfriend too? Such a little homewrecker,” Costia said with a smirk, obviously thinking she was making Clarke look bad. 

“Costia, what exactly happened? What did you see?” Lexa asked, her voice was shaking but she said it quietly, purposefully ignoring Costia’s comments about Clarke. 

Costia’s eyes narrowed, maybe understanding the gravity of the situation from Lexa’s tone, but she spoke anyway. “She was really drunk and he started flirting with her, which she reciprocated, and then he leaned in and kissed her and within a minute the dude’s girlfriend was there and that was when I left,” Costia said.

“Are you absolutely positive that’s what happened?” Lexa asked somewhat harshly. 

“Yeah, I’m positive. Is everything okay?” Costia asked, a flicker of concern on her face, cutting through her previously icy exterior. She momentarily forgot she had been trying to ruin Lexa’s relationship, distracted by the intensity of Lexa’s demeanor. 

Lexa ignored the look Costia was giving her. “Yeah, everything’s fine. Thanks Costia,” Lexa said absently as the professor walked into the room, bringing her and Costia’s conversation to an end. Lexa hurried away to a seat on the other side of the room, avoiding Costia’s looks and attempts to catch Lexa’s eyes for the rest of class. 

When class was finally over for Lexa, she hurried out of the classroom, even as she saw Costia trying to catch up with her. She made her way back to their dorm room and while she was shaken up from what Costia said, she decided she wouldn’t tell Clarke tonight. Tomorrow, it could all come out, but tonight was theirs. This new information wasn’t going to ruin that for them. 

Clarke wasn’t back from her class yet, so Lexa took the time to try and find something date-worthy for the night. She eventually settled on a red velvety dress with strappy black heels, and set it aside before going to take a shower. When she got out of the shower, Clarke was lying on her bed, staring up at the ceiling. 

“You okay?” Lexa asked, worried, as she walked into the room wearing a pair of pajamas. 

Clarke jumped a little as she entered the room but smiled wide when she saw Lexa. “Of course. Is that what you’re wearing on our date?” Clarke teased. 

“Of course, who doesn’t want to go on a date in pajama pants with holes in them?” Lexa deadpanned as she grabbed her blow dryer and began on her hair. 

Clarke smirked and went into the bathroom to clean up and change as Lexa got ready in their room. 

It didn’t take long for them to get ready. They were both done by 5:30, with Lexa in her red dress and Clarke in a little black dress with a slit up the leg and her hair curly and just messy enough to know it was done on purpose. 

“Wow Lex, you look… wow,” Clarke’s breath quite literally caught in her throat as she looked her girlfriend up and down. 

 

It was Lexa’s turn to smirk, “I know. And you look beautiful too, Clarke.”

Clarke smiled and took Lexa’s hand once they had grabbed their keys and wallets.   
“So, where are we going?” Lexa asked as they made their way to Clarke’s car.

“Hmm, it’s a surprise,” Clarke said with a smile. 

The drive was short and the surprise was revealed when they pulled into the parking lot of what was quite possibly the nicest restaurant in town that a college student could possibly afford. 

“Reservations for two under Griffin,” Clarke told the hostess when they got inside. 

“Right this way,” the lady said with a smile, leading them to a cute table near the back of the restaurant. 

“So, how was your day?” Lexa asked sweetly, once they were sat down at their table. 

“Um, it was okay,” Clarke said noncommittally. “Just been spending all day waiting for right now,” she added with a smirk. “How about you?”

Lexa laughed at the line, “Cute. And me too,” Lexa said with a smile. 

The girls spent the next hour eating overpriced food and joking about school and talking about their childhoods. They were decidedly more playful than romantic and Lexa was extremely grateful she had decided to keep her mouth shut about what Costia had told her.

“Oh wow, these desserts look amazing. Do you want to split one?” Lexa asked. 

“Sure, which one do you want?” Clarke asked, even though she knew exactly what Lexa was going to pick. 

“Chocolate cake?” Lexa asked. 

Clarke laughed, “Of course.”

The waiter had just left after taking their dessert order when Clarke’s phone rang. “Oh, sorry, let me turn that off,” Clarke said, reaching into her bag to grab her phone. She almost didn’t even check who it was, and she wished she hadn’t when she saw her Mom’s number on the screen. 

“Who is it?” Lexa asked, concerned at the look on Clarke’s face. 

“No one,” Clarke lied, turning her phone off and forcing a smile onto her face. 

“Clarke…” Lexa said softly, easily able to see through her girlfriend. 

“It was my mom. Again” Clarke relented, dropping her eyes from Lexa’s.   
“Again?” Lexa questioned.

“She called earlier. I ignored it,” Clarke replied. 

Lexa nodded. Even without knowing the full story, she knew Clarke and her mother’s relationship was strained. “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked. 

Clarke shook her head. “Not right now,” she reached across the table to take Lexa’s hand. “Tonight’s our date night. My mom drama can wait. We can talk about it later,” she said. 

Lexa didn’t want to drop the subject, but hadn’t she done the same thing tonight? So she let it go, content with the promise of later. “Okay,” she agreed. 

They finished dinner happily, if less animated than before, and the drive home was comfortably quiet.

Their fancy dresses and makeup didn’t stay on for long once they got back to the dorm room. Clarke pinned Lexa against the wall the second the door was closed and kissed her fervidly, as if kissing Lexa could melt away all of her problems. For the moment, it did, and Lexa kissed her back just as intensely. 

The next morning, as per usual, Lexa was awake first. Clarke was curled into Lexa’s side and had one arm draped over her body while the other hand was holding Lexa’s arm. Lexa took her free arm to brush the hair off of her face and turned her head just enough to be able to look at Clarke. The movement was uncharacteristically enough to wake Clarke up. 

“G’morning,” Clarke mumbled, disentangling herself from Lexa just enough so she could stretch a little bit.

“Good morning,” Lexa said softly, kissing Clarke’s cheek. “Did you sleep well?”

“Not really,” Clarke admitted. 

Lexa sighed, “Clarke, I don’t want to pry, but talking about whatever happened between you and your mom could help.”

“I know, I know. But first, coffee,” Clarke said. “Maybe with a shot of something else in it too.”

Lexa laughed and kissed Clarke again before getting up. 

After they got ready, the girls went to their usual coffee shop for coffee and breakfast. 

“So,” Clarke said, once they sat down at a table. “Me and my mom.”

Clarke didn’t say anything for a minute, and Lexa could tell she really didn’t want to have this conversation. “Well last summer, so like a year and a half ago now, my mom cheated on my dad with my dad’s friend, Marcus. Their marriage had been on shaky ground already, and then when my dad found out about my mom and Marcus, they got in a huge fight and my dad stormed out. He got into his car and was just driving around I guess, but he got hit by a drunk driver and died in the hospital the next day,” Clarke said bluntly without much feeling, but there were tears in her eyes. 

“Oh, Clarke. I’m so sorry,” Lexa said, reaching across the table to hold Clarke’s shaking hands. 

“Yeah. So my mom and I haven’t been on good terms since,” Clarke said. “If it wasn’t for her, my dad wouldn’t even have been on the road that day, L-Lex.” Clarke choked on her words. She couldn’t help the tears that were falling now, and Lexa got up to sit on the other side of the table with Clarke and pulled her into a hug. 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. It’s okay. You don’t need to answer that phone until you’re ready Clarke,” Lexa said, stroking Clarke’s back. 

Clarke nodded into Lexa’s shoulder as she tried to slow the tears. Lexa kept stroking Clarke’s back until she finally pulled away from Lexa and wiped her face off on a napkin. 

“Okay. Okay, I’m good,” Clarke said, trying to convince herself. Lexa smiled sympathetically at her as Clarke took a sip of her coffee. 

“God, we really need to stop having emotional conversations in public areas,” Clarke joked, wiping a stray tear from her face. “Okay. So what did you want to tell me?”

What Lexa had found out seemed incredibly unimportant now, but she figured Clarke would want to know. Lexa squirmed in her seat a little bit. “So you know I have that class with Costia right?” 

Clarke nodded. 

“Well, she started talking to me yesterday and was being a pain in the ass but the short version is that she told me she saw what happened with you and Finn at that party… and that he kissed you,” Lexa said slowly. 

“Wh-what? Are you sure? She wasn’t messing with you, was she?” Clarke asked, stunned. 

“I think she was telling the truth, Clarke. She was, well, she was trying to make you look bad, so if she saw you kiss him, I think she would have used it,” Lexa said. 

“Wow. Well, shit. O and Rae have been mad at me for no goddamn reason then?! And that DOUCHEBAG!!” Clarke said, much too loudly for a coffee shop.   
“We need to go talk to O and Rae. Oh god, poor Raven though,” Clarke said. 

Lexa nodded sympathetically, “Yeah, poor Raven.”

“Okay, let’s go. Thank you so much Lex, I love you,” Clarke said. It took a second for her to realize what she had said, and Lexa almost laughed at the look of panic that crossed her face. 

“I-I mean-”

“I love you too, Clarke,” Lexa said, smiling brightly and kissing her cheek. 

Clarke laughed in a mix of relief and happiness, and for a minute, all of the drama of the day melted away.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, chapter 13! As always, thanks to my beta @hanoverthepizza on tumblr! I'm thinking I'm going to be able to wind this down by chapter 15, so hopefully these last two chapters will happen sooner rather than later. Hope you guys enjoy and like seeing what's been going on with Raven and Octavia a little bit here!

**Chapter 13**

 

Clarke texted Octavia as soon as she and Lexa got back to their dorm. 

_ “Meet me at my dorm. Important,”  _ the text read. 

_ “Is everything okay?”  _ Octavia texted back.

_ “Kind of. Just come” _

_ “Ok. Be there as soon as class is over.”  _

“She’ll be here as soon as her class is over,” Clarke told Lexa. Lexa nodded and turned back to the stack of homework on her desk. Clarke laid down on Lexa’s bed, trying to read for class before eventually getting up and pacing the room anxiously.

“Clarke, you need to chill a bit. It’ll be fine,” Lexa said.

“I know,” Clarke answered absentmindedly.

About an hour later there was a knock on the door and Octavia had finally shown up.

“Hey,” Clarke said.

“Hey, what’s up? Hi Lexa,” Octavia said.

“Hi Octavia,” Lexa said with a polite smile.

“Sorry we haven’t been able to do dinner yet,” Octavia said.

“No, it’s fine. I get it. Okay, so Lexa was talking to Costia the other day and Costia said she saw what happened with me and Finn at the party that day,” Clarke said.

Octavia was quiet for a moment. “What did she say?” Octavia directed the question towards Lexa.

“Costia said that she saw Finn kiss Clarke. Not the other way around,” Lexa said.

Octavia’s eyes widened, “What? Are you sure? Was she sure?”

Lexa nodded. “She seemed pretty certain, and I’m almost positive she was telling the truth.”

Octavia just looked at them. “Let me call Murphy,” Octavia said with the most ride or die look Clarke had seen on her face in a long time.

“Murphy?” Clarke asked.

“He’s the asshole that Finn doesn’t like. If he knows anything, I doubt it would be hard to get him to spill,” Octavia explained.

Clarke watched curiously as Octavia pulled out her phone and called Murphy. Clarke listened as Octavia asked if Murphy knew anything about that night. “What will I give you?” Octavia asked him incredulously. “I know I broke up with Lincoln but I still know where you get your alcohol and I can still tell Lincoln. Your RA,” Octavia threatened.

Clarke’s eyebrows furrowed. She didn’t know that O and Lincoln had broken up. Octavia’s threat must have worked, though, because Octavia was listening to Murphy talk. Octavia’s face remained impassive as she listened and Clarke couldn’t tell if what she was hearing was good or bad. “Thanks Murphy,” Octavia said grudgingly after a minute and then she hung up the phone.

“You broke up with Lincoln?” Clarke asked Octavia.

“Wh-oh. Yeah. He was great, it just wasn’t working out,” Octavia said with a shrug.

“I’m sorry,” Clarke said.

“Yeah, that sucks,” Lexa added.

“It’s fine,” Octavia said. “Um, anyway. Murphy said he heard the same thing Costia saw,” Octavia said, looking at the floor. Clarke stood in stunned silence for a minute and Lexa grabbed her hand and squeezed it. When Octavia looked up there were tears in her eyes.

“I’m so sorry, Clarke. Raven sided with Finn and I didn’t even think about it before backing her up. I should’ve found out what happened first...I’m sorry,” Octavia said quietly.

Clarke knew she should be mad. She should be furious. She thought she had kissed Finn all this time because that’s what she was told, even though she couldn’t even remember it, and it wasn’t even all the way true. It wasn’t her fault. Raven and Octavia had ignored her for months without a word and it all came down to nothing. It should make her furious. But instead all she felt was relief, because she might get her two best friends back, and sadness because she knew Raven was about to lose her boyfriend.

“It’s okay,” Clarke said, reaching out to Octavia to pull her into a hug. “It’s fine.”

“How do you think Raven will take it?” Clarke asked hesitantly once they broke their hug.

Octavia sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “I don’t know. They’ve been having...problems lately already. I think I should tell her alone though. She’s going to deny it at first and I don’t think you want to be there for that,” Octavia said slowly. Clarke wanted to argue that they should do it together, but something in Octavia’s eyes told her not to. 

“Okay,” Clarke nodded.

“Ok, I’ll text you how it goes. And thanks Lexa, for telling us about everything,” Octavia added, turning towards Lexa.

Lexa nodded, “No problem.”

“I really hope Raven doesn’t get angry at me for this,” Clarke said to Lexa once Octavia had left.

Lexa kissed her forehead. “I’m sure everything will be okay.”

* * *

 

Octavia walked slowly from Clarke and Lexa’s dorm to her own. She wasn’t looking forward to letting Raven know about this new information. When she told Clarke that Raven and Finn had been having problems, it was probably the understatement of the century. The couple barely spoke anymore, and when they did, it regularly ended in arguments. 

Octavia opened the door to their dorm and Raven looked up from her homework and took out her earbuds.

“What did Clarke have to say?” Raven asked curiously. Octavia may have been the one to reach out to Clarke, but Octavia knew Raven missed Clarke just as much as Octavia did, she just couldn’t get over her pride to fix it. So Octavia did it for her. She had reached out to Clarke and was working on setting up lunch for them all.

Octavia sighed and sat down next to Raven on the bed. “Lexa found out some stuff about… that night with Clarke and Finn,” Octavia started and Raven visibly tensed. Just because Raven missed Clarke didn’t necessarily mean she was over what happened.

“What did she hear?” Raven asked.

“Lexa heard from Costia that Finn kissed Clarke, not the other way around,” Octavia said quietly.

Raven’s eyes widened. “What? She must be lying! Clarke must be lying, or else Costia is-”

“Rae, I called Murphy and talked to him too and apparently all the guys in their circle know about it,” Octavia added.

“You took Murphy’s word for this? There’s no way!” Raven said, anger flaring in her eyes.

“I didn’t trust him either, alright. I threatened to tell Lincoln, who’s his RA, where he gets his alcohol. He told me that if I asked any other guy Finn knows, they’d say the same thing,” Octavia explained patiently. 

“That doesn’t prove anything,” Raven said, but the conviction just wasn't in her voice anymore.

“Rae, that’s not all he said. I didn’t tell Clarke because you needed to hear it first,” Octavia said.

“What is it?” Raven asked cautiously.

Octavia took a deep breath. “Apparently, what happened with Clarke isn’t the only time Finn has been with other girls.”

Octavia winced at the look that crossed Raven’s face and she knew that Raven believed her. She knew Raven had been suspecting something like this from Finn for weeks, and Octavia’s confirmation was the push she needed to believe it.

Raven closed her eyes and practically collapsed on the bed next to her, shoving her face into the pillow.

“Oh, Rae,” Octavia said, sitting down next to her. She took Raven’s hand in hers and rubbed her back soothingly with the other hand.

“God I’m so stupid! I knew. I knew he was cheating and I acted like I didn’t because I was holding on to… I don’t even know what,” Raven said.

“Hey hey hey, don’t say that. You’re not stupid, alright. Hey, look at me,” Octavia said, and Raven complied, turning her head on the pillow to look at Raven.

“What Finn did does not reflect on you, okay. You deserve better than him, and you always have,” Octavia said. “Alright?”

Raven closed her eyes again and nodded, tears rushing from her eyes.

“Shh, it’s okay sweetie,” Octavia said again, rubbing her back still. “You’ll be okay.”

“Clarke knows it wasn’t her fault now,” Raven whispered eventually.

Octavia nodded slowly, “Yeah, she does,” she confirmed.

“O, I haven’t talked to her in months and it wasn’t even her fault,” Raven said.

“Yeah. But I think it will be okay. We’ll all get together and we’ll talk everything through. It will be okay,” Octavia assured her.

“God I fucked up,” Raven moaned.

“Hey, I fucked up with you. It was a team effort, you can't take all the credit” Octavia said with a small smile.

It wasn’t a tasteful joke, but Raven laughed, so Octavia decided it did it’s job.

“Thanks,” Raven said with a watery smile.

“Anytime,” Octavia answered.

It was true though. Octavia was just as responsible as Raven for everything that had happened in the past few months. She went along with Raven on everything that had happened without question. She alienated Clarke, ignored the signs of Finn’s cheating ass, and let Raven ignore it too. And all for what? She wanted to make Raven happy; to make sure someone was there for her. Raven’s parents had done a shit job of being parents, and Clarke and Octavia were the only people who had consistently been there. Octavia wasn’t about to leave Raven alone.

On the other side of the spectrum, however, was Clarke. Clarke had been super close to both of her parents until her dad had died, and Octavia knew Clarke wasn’t okay after that happened. She tried so hard to hold herself together, but Octavia could see through it. Octavia knew something was up that day at the party, but she didn’t do anything. She sided with Raven, took her home, and sent Clarke off with Lexa. She refused to listen when Clarke tried to explain herself, and spent months indulging in Raven’s moping before Octavia finally took it upon herself to try and mend things between the three of them. Why did she wait? Why did she let Raven call the shots for so long when Octavia was more than capable of making her own decisions?

Octavia knew the answer to that when she saw the soft smile on Raven’s face looking gratefully up at her. She did it for the same reason she broke up with Lincoln.

* * *

 

“Octavia finally texted me,” Clarke said later that day. 

“How did Raven take it?” Lexa asked.

“Octavia said not great, but she’s doing okay now,” Clarke responded.

“Oh, and Raven just started a group chat for dinner soon, did you get that text?” Clarke asked excitedly.

Lexa laughed at the happiness on Clarke’s face, “Yeah, I just got it.”

“She hasn’t texted me for months,” Clarke said, and this time she wasn’t sad when she said it, because things were healing. 

Lexa smiled and wrapped her arms around Clarke’s waist. “I love you, you know,” she said for the second time that day, and Clarke’s already bright smile grew ten times wider. 

“I love you too,” she replied. 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N I am so sorry this chapter took so long, but I was very busy with school, then graduation, then senior week, and then work but here it is! If all goes to plan, there will be one final chapter coming to you by the end of the summer! Enjoy! And as always, thanks so much to my beta reader:)

It had taken about two weeks before Octavia, Clarke, Raven and Lexa were all available for dinner at the same time, but Clarke figured that was probably a good thing. She wanted Raven to have had enough time to cool down after finding out what had happened with Finn before Clarke had to face her. 

On top of that, Clarke was worried. Lexa had tried and tried to comfort her but all Clarke could think about were the “what if’s.” What if Raven decided she didn’t forgive Clarke? Clarke had kissed Finn back, hadn’t she? Inebriated or not, shouldn’t that be something Raven would be mad about? What if Octavia was wrong and Raven didn’t want to patch things up? What if she saw Clarke and decided “Nope, nevermind. Cutting out toxic people 2k18. Sorry Clarke, kissing my boyfriend counts as incredibly toxic.” What if--

Lexa cut off Clarke’s spiraling train of thought with a hand on her shoulder. “Clarke, it’s going to be fine. I promise,” Lexa leaned over and gave Clarke a kiss on the cheek, and wrapped her arms around Clarke from behind. 

“Okay… but what if it isn’t?”

“Then I’ll be here with you to get through it. But I’m sure it’s going to be fine. Has Octavia texted you yet?” Lexa asked. 

“Yeah, she said she and Raven should be ready in about five minutes,” Clarke replied. 

“Okay, you ready to go then?” Lexa asked. 

“Yep,” Clarke replied. 

“Okay, let’s go then,” Lexa said, unwrapping herself from Clarke and instead offering Clarke her hand to hold once she stood up, which Clarke took gratefully. 

The girls left their dorm room together and walked through the dorm complex until they made their way to Raven and Octavia’s dorm room. 

Clarke hesitated before knocking so Lexa squeezed her hand comfortingly. Clarke knocked and could hear Octavia’s voice on the other side of the door, saying something to Raven before she opened it. 

“Hey guys!” she said brightly, exiting the room with Raven behind her. 

“Hey O, hey Raven,” Clarke said. Lexa exchanged pleasantries with the the other two girls as Clarke kept a deathgrip on Lexa’s hand. Lexa rubbed the back of Clarke’s hand with her thumb to comfort her. 

“Hey Clarke. Hey Lexa,” Raven replied with a nervous smile. It comforted Clarke a little bit to see that Raven looked a little nervous as well. 

“So. Ready to go?” Octavia asked the other three. They all nodded and began walking out together, and a semi-awkward quietness settled over them. 

“So, how have you been Raven?” Lexa asked pleasantly, sharing a quick glance with Octavia. They both hoped the initial awkwardness between Clarke and Raven would disappear once conversation started.

“Oh, uh I’ve been okay. You?” Raven replied. 

“Pretty good,” Lexa responded. 

“What about you Clarke?” Raven asked. 

“Oh um, I’m good actually. I haven’t gotten a chance to tell you yet, but Lexa and I are dating now,” Clarke said with a smile, holding up her and Lexa’s intertwined hands. 

Raven laughed, “Yeah, actually I heard about that. Good for you two,” she said genuinely. 

“Thanks,” Clarke answered with a smile as they walked up the sidewalk to Friendly’s, her and Lexa hand in hand and Octavia and Raven’s arms linked together. 

“Table for four,” Octavia told the hostess once inside. 

The girls shared small talk for a little while to break the ice and Clarke’s hand held Lexa’s in a death grip the entire time, clearly unable to relax. 

“So,” Raven said eventually, “We should probably get everything into the open. I broke up with Finn,” she said bluntly. 

The air between them all turned to ice in an instant as Clarke looked down and Octavia comfortingly took Raven’s hand and squeezed it. 

“I’m really sorry, Rae. And not just for that. For everything,” Clarke said. 

“It wasn’t just because of… what happened with you. He cheated on me… multiple times, apparently,” Raven admitted a little bitterly.   
“Wh-really? Oh my god Raven, I’m so sorry,” Clarke said, her eyes opening wide in surprise. She glanced at Octavia in a “you didn’t tell me about this” way, but Octavia was focused solely on Raven with one arm around her shoulder and the other squeezing her hand in comfort. 

Raven nodded. “Yeah. It sucks, he sucks and men are trash but I owe you an apology too-”

Clarke cut her off, “No Raven, I’m the one who fucked up-”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t fuck some stuff up too. We’re best friends, Clarke. I should have talked to you about it and tried to work things out a lot sooner rather than shutting you out. No boyfriend is worth a friendship, especially not Finn,” Raven said. 

Clarke nodded through the relieved tears welling up in her eyes. “So are we cool?” she asked hesitantly. 

“Yeah, we’re cool Griffin,” Raven said with a smirk. 

“Awesome. I… I really missed you guys,” Clarke admitted. 

“Me too,” Raven and Octavia said, nearly in unison. They all laughed and Octavia and Raven smirked at how in tune they were. The girls continued with dinner, enthusiastically talking about anything and everything that had happened in the last few months until eventually Raven and Lexa both got up to use the bathroom, leaving Clarke and Octavia alone. 

“So,” Clarke said, once Raven and Lexa had gotten up. 

“So what?” Octavia challenged, raising an eyebrow. 

“So, you and Raven?” Clarke asked. 

“What about us?”

“Are you two, like, a thing now?” Clarke asked with a smirk.

“What? No, we’re not-we’re not a thing-”

“But you like her,” Clarke said, and it wasn’t a question. 

“Says who?” 

“It’s written all over your face, O. You know I can read you like a book. This time is no different.” Clarke responded.

“Well, what am I supposed to do?” Octavia asked. “She’s my best friend. I can’t just be like ‘Hey Raven, by the way, I really like you, date me please?’”

“Well why not?” Clarke asked. 

“Uh, because she’s my best friend,” Octavia said in a tone that said the answer to Clarke’s question was quite obvious. “What if she says no and things get weird and she’s uncomfortable and our friendship is fucked up forever? Then not only will I not have a girlfriend, but I will have lost Raven. It’s way too risky,” Octavia said decisively. 

“Okay, all of that is true, but what if she says yes?” Clarke asked. 

Octavia hesitated, “She wouldn’t. There’s no way…”

“But what if she does?” Clarke prompted again. Octavia just sighed.

“Look,” Clarke said, “If you really like her, then you should tell her. It’ll be worth it. You never know what could happen.”

“Yeah, exactly. I don’t know. I don’t know if she does or could like me like that or if I’m just reading into things too hard or what. Like, there will be moments where I think maybe she could like me, but then she’ll say something so platonic I know it could never happen.”

“Okay, but it’s Raven. You’ve known each other for years. What is the worst that could happen? You guys are a little awkward for a little while if she says no? You know she would never end your friendship over something like that,” Clarke reassured Raven. “And she could definitely say yes.”

Octavia shook her head and began to answer but they saw Lexa and Raven making their way back to the table, so she just shot Clarke a look instead.

“So, are we doing dessert?” Raven asked as she sat down and wrapped an arm around Octavia as Lexa did the same to Clarke. Clarke raised her eyebrows at Octavia while answering “yes” to Raven. 

The rest of the evening passed enjoyably, and at the end of the night the girls promised they would do this again soon, which was more than Clarke had dared to hope for the evening. 

///

Raven started talking as soon as she and Octavia made it back to their dorm room, and Octavia didn’t think she had stopped talking for more than ten seconds at a time in the past hour they had been back. 

It was quite clear that months without Clarke had taken a toll on Raven, and Octavia was glad she finally was able to convince Raven that her friendship with Clarke was worth more than her relationship with Finn. She just regretted how far she had to go to convince her of the fact, and more so, she regretted the fact that Raven had ended up dating a douchebag like Finn in the first place.

“O, are you listening?” Raven asked, cutting into Octavia’s thoughts. 

“Wh-yes, of course. You knew Clarke and Lexa would end up together since the beginning. Right, please continue,” Octavia teased her. 

Raven stuck her tongue out at Octavia and plopped herself down on the bed next to her, her legs folded so that her knees were touching Octavia’s. 

“Why are you in a mood?” Raven asked. 

“I’m not, I’m just tired,” Octavia lied. 

Raven gave her a skeptical look, but didn’t question her any further and instead changed the subject back to Clarke. 

“We need to make sure we do that again soon,” she said. 

“I agree, wholeheartedly. Maybe if somebody had listened to me we could have gotten this squared away sooner,” Octavia teased her lightly. 

Raven smiled at her and rolled her eyes, “Uh huh, okay you were right, is that what you wanted to hear?” 

Octavia broke into a goofy grin, “Yup, exactly what I wanted to hear.”

Raven rolled her eyes and grabbed her laptop off of the desk next to them, opening Netflix and settling down on the bed with Octavia to watch so that they were lying shoulder to shoulder next to each other. 

Around 1 am, Raven’s head fell on to Octavia’s shoulder as she fell asleep and Octavia was wondering if maybe Clarke was right. 

Maybe telling Raven would be worth it. 

///

“See, that went well, right?” Lexa said to Clarke once they got back to their dorm room that night. 

Clarke smiled, almost uncontrollably, “It was amazing,” she agreed. 

“Raven seemed really happy to fix things with you too,” Lexa said. “It wasn’t just you and Octavia, Raven seemed really relieved to have you back.”

“Yeah-” Clarke was cut off by her phone ringing, “hold up one second,” Clarke said as she pulled her phone out, only to see the caller ID and hit ignore with a sigh. 

“Who was it?” Lexa asked, though she had a pretty good idea based off of the look on Clarke’s face. 

“My mother,” Clarke answered bluntly sitting down on the bed, and Lexa sat down beside her. Clarke’s mood quickly went from being ecstatic to sullen in a matter of seconds with just one phone call. 

“She’s called you a couple times recently, hasn’t she?” Lexa asked cautiously. 

“Yep,” Clarke responded, but she provided no further detail. 

“Do you know what she wants?” Lexa asked. “Did she leave a voicemail?”

Clarke sighed and answered in the affirmative. “Yes, but it’s the same crap she’s always said and never followed through with.”

“And what kind of stuff is that?” Lexa prompted. 

“It’s the same old apologies and promises to get her shit together but she never actually does it,” Clarke said, trying to sound nonchalant, but failing miserably. “Here, you can listen with me if you want,” she said with a pout, pressing the play button on the voicemail. 

“Hey Clarke, it’s mom. I just wanted to know how you were doing and how school is going? I’ve heard a little bit from Octavia but I wanted to hear from you. Look, Clarke, I know you’re angry and you’re upset with me and I understand that. But your father is gone, and there’s nothing I can do to change that, as much as I would like to. I know you miss him, I do too, and I’m sorry. But I miss you too Clarke. I can’t change the past, and I know I haven’t been the best mother since your father died, but I’ve changed and I don’t want to lose you too… I love you. Call me back when you get this.”

Lexa looked up at Clarke who was on the verge of tears. 

“Clarke, I know you and your mom have had issues, but she really sounds like she wants to fix things with you,” Lexa said quietly. 

“I know,” Clarke replied, tears rushing down her face. “But it’s not that easy. Lex she just, she basically disappeared after my dad died. She started drinking and expecting so much of me and I couldn’t live up to it. I pretty much lost both parents when my dad died,” Clarke choked out. 

Suddenly Clarke’s drunken outburst from months earlier made sense to Lexa and she wrapped Clarke into a hug as she cried. “Hey, it’ll be okay. It’ll be okay,” Lexa soothed her. “You’re going to be okay, I promise.”

“Hey, you don’t have to talk to her now, or even soon, but it really does sound like your mom wants to fix things, and I think you do too. But getting one parent back has got to be better than not having either,” Lexa said to her, once she calmed down a little bit and they were lying on Clarke’s bed together. 

“Can you be there with me when I call her?” Clarke asked. 

“Of course, Clarke.”


End file.
